Lesson for Thursday

This morning I was reading a blog that I often visit. I loved this entry. Loved what it said so I thought i would share. Enjoy what she wrote below:

I’m just beginning to learn— that to fear God we women must deliberately ignore the disapproval of our sisters and mothers and magazines and friends.

We must choose instead to think long and hard, to ponder all alone just what it is that the LORD is asking of us.

To wear the clothes that fit, and toss out those wishful thinking styles that bind our souls too tight.

But how? Other than letting ourselves get all hard and cold and defiant, how in the world can we act on this?

Here’s my list for me…

1. To not try to do it all.
2. To tell the truth.
3. To be satisfied with who we are and then be free to enjoy our sisters who aren’t like us at all.
4. To do what only I can do and not try to do more.
5. To smile and have fun and hole up in quiet corners all by myself just because I crave that.
6. To wear glitter when grey is more the style.

I am learning… slowly.

As well a picture on my birthday, with my birthday cake, laughing not sure at what..... 

My kids have been gems this week. Reminding me of their gentle hearts, creative minds, innocent spirits and the greatest gift of all forgiveness. (kids are so good at those things). Hope yall have a great week. My blog posts and updates are coming a bit random. It has been a bit busy here. Have a good day!

Collect moments. Not things.

One kayak. Two people. Rain. Two paddles. Rushing river. A lake. More rain. Birds singing in the distance. One afternoon.

Some things do not need much explanation because even the greatest attempt to explain it would never do it justice. To put it simply it was good. Really good. Moments passed when I wondered how it is that I have it so good. Where your heart is so full, it overflows with goodness. It was that good.

happy monday yall.

Joy in Laughter of a Third Grader

When true joy comes in the deepest belly laugh one has ever enjoyed, you find that God too has a sense of humor. I am learning more about the heart of God in this place than I could have ever imagined anyplace else. 

I often like to pretend that I can do everything on my own. I am stubborn to a utterly fault. Ask anyone who knows me. I am painfully stubborn sometimes. I like things my way, even though I pretend to act as though I am ok going with the flow, I must be honest with myself and accept that deep down when "I am going with the flow" I wish things were the way I wanted them. 

Surrender is something you know? Surrender in our lives is often the most difficult act we can do. Surrender to things that we do not like, to our everday, to the meeting that went too long, to traffic on the interstate, surrendering to ourselves, accepting that things do not go our way, and they will continue to not go our way, yet we get to pick ourselves and move on. 

I am surrendering.... surrendering myself to the fullness of God. Trusting that no matter how much I think my plan is good, his is so much better. The hardest part of all is surrendering to something you do not know what is in store. Except I know who he is. I can rest confidently in who he is, who his character his, the life that he lived. I can get behind that. Living a life that loves people well. That sees every opportunity as a chance to change. A person who choose to kneel down next to the broken, to give up everything so someone else could have a place at the table. Selflessness like the world has never seen.

In moments of frustration, to moments of joy, to the days that seem to never end, the kids that never sit in their chairs, the lessons I am confident have gone well and the kids turn in their homework and it is clear they do not understand anything. It feels sometimes like you are moving a mountain. Yet I am still pushing, still surrendering and still pursuing the hope that he has something good in store. He is doing good in me and in the world. Its all I got to trust in. Its all I can do.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic these days for things at home. Not that I want to leave, but just that I miss some of the comforts. Suppose watching the movie The Holiday and eating cookies for dinner last night can make you do that. Matt and Kate made Monster cookies last night and we all sat around drinking coffee nibbling away at the peanut butter, oatmeal, chocholatly goodness. My belly was super full but part of me thinks it was just what I needed. Cookies and coffee for dinner, followed by a glass of red wine. (everything I love in one evening, including Jude Law).

So today when you indulge in your routine Starbucks, talk to your friends or if you are lucky to get to see family, soak it in a bit longer today. Maybe sit down the phone and look someone in the eye when you have a conversation, without the distraction. I dare you to try it. Real life happens sometimes when our minds are wandering and our head is some place else. I would give just about anything to have dinner with my family today, or even a short lunch would do. Have an iced tea, sit on the porch outside, eating yellow chips (my moms name for lays potato chips). A girl can dream I think.

Heres to your Thursday. Friday Eve. My best friend Stephanie and her boyfriend are driving from Guatemala City (7 hours or so) to visit for the weekend. Lots are in store for their arrival, and the preparations are beginning tonight. Thomas and I's turn to cook family dinner is tomorrow night. Lots of work to be done!

Delight in the Little Things

Talked to my Dad on Skype today. After another visit to the doctor today it seems I may have contracted a parasite/ amoeba of some sort, which would explain why I have not felt good for sometime. My efforts to get over it and just when I think I am better I am hit again either with a stomach bug or as in this morning abdominal pain that I could not explain. (I left school after getting sick and Faye came along to translate. I need to remember to take a photo of the doctors office (lets hope the opportunity never comes to do so, because I do not want to go back), imagine people packed sitting outside, one door where a nurse opens and calls the next number like you are buying lunch meat at kroger, when your number is called you go in and behind the door you walk into a one room filled with an operation table/ a desk/shelves filled with crap, bottles, cans, coffee mugs, loads of medicine, and the doctor playing music on itunes like it is some sort of party, most bizarre experience). 

Me in my stubbornness is learning that I need to slow down. Pretty sure my roommates have had enough of me being sick, yet still cleaning our house, or still going and going... My Dad as any father would, asked me if I had enough? If I am ok? I know what he was getting at. He meant, Am I ready to be done, Am I homesick? Am I ready to get out of this place? Without a moment of hesitation I said No and I meant it. I am well. I am good. My body has not particularly gotten used to here yet, either the food, water or something but that is temporary. My heart is good. I am good. Life is too good here. Of course I miss fall, I miss pumpkin in everything, Starbucks lattes, football, chili and tailgating but missing those things does not compare to the fact that I get to fall asleep to the most incredible storms, lightening that lights up your room, thunder that is right above your head (like right now, I just unplugged my computer for fear that we get struck loose power and my charger gets zapped). All of those things as well dont compare to the fact that tonight I was sitting around a candle lite table with new friends that seem like old friends, laughing, sharing stories and doing life..... 

The remainder of the day at school was chaotic as my roommates retold me what occurred  A week ago another teacher showed up, an older woman from the US that was brought on to do administration etc.. Long story short, the rest of us were quite confused because we desperately needed another 1st grade teacher and we could not understand why she came to do administration things... For the first time the principal listened to our suggestion and made her a 1st grade teacher (instead of administration) so Faye and Allison reduced their classes from 30 kids to 20 kids forming a third first grade class. Well low and behold this did not last because we found out today that she is leaving.. without much to be said from her...... You may be thinking how could this happen? Wish I could say I am surprised but you can tell I have been living in Honduras because the new normal is things change often and that is just the way things are. We are all ready for a weekend away at the beach for Fayes continued birthday celebration. Happy Birthday Faye! So grateful you are here and I look forward to celebrating this weekend.

May you too have a great weekend. I am beach bound, sick or well I am resting up on the beach for the weekend.. Cheers. Kristina

 Below are a few snapshots of things I am grateful for and snippets of my life here. 

Grateful for the big brown eyes of the kids here with big eyelashes... these eyes make your heart melt.. you get lost in them. They are bigger and brighter in person and so beautiful.

Grateful for new friends. Malcolm seen below is resident, local extradorinar and bird expert. He is one who knows much, is a friend to all and is a pleasure to share company with. (This picture is taken at the D&D one evening having dinner)

Singing with my kids. Yes I may look like I am fist pumping but I can assure you this is one of my many songs I like to sing with them.

The most incredible scenery to explore. Matt is my running buddy/ yoga / p90 buddy and being able to decompress in this place is incredible. (stole his instagram pic)

Grateful for weekends away at the beach with everyone. Being able to wind down, swim in the ocean, read my book, relax.

Grateful for this little fruit. It only grows until December so I buy these each time I walk by the stand on the corner in town, 10 limpiras a bag of these. The same lady and her husband sell them out of a large wheel barrel. They are called Liches. You crack them open and they are soft and gooey inside, they have a seed in the middle but you eat around the pit. They taste sweet, kind of like a melonish... not sure how best to describe.

Grateful for the simplest joys of homemade googled remedes for a facial mask. Grateful for Philip who insisted on that I need a cucumber. So he cut one up from the fridge for my eyes..... So funny.

Waterfalls. This country is rich with beautiful waterfalls and the picture below shows a painting done of Pulapansak.

Grateful. As someone once said, "How lucky i am to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard." I am beyond grateful to have a family that loves, supports, cares for me and looks at my dreams and does not laugh but rather delights knowing I am living with more joy than I ever have here, doing exactly what I want right now in this place.

Learning... I am grateful that I am learning to delight in the little things.

My heart is Overwhelmed

Hondurans are rich. Rich in the very things that matter most.

In a conversation with a friend here, he and I reminisced about this place that we now call home, about the Honduran way of life, how good things are, how life here is addicting, doing life here is so good. Our conversation led me to reflect and share about the change occurring in my own heart....

While sitting in church Sunday evening in a hot and humid, one room church filled with wooden benches, packed with hundreds of people, I watched as woman, held her baby on her right arm, held a hymnal in her left, she had a dish towel draped around her neck to wipe the sweat from her head. dressed in her very best, this woman was strong, and proud, and sang at the tops of her lungs... giving praise and thanksgiving,

I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and ask, "How could you be grateful for this? For the poverty in which you are born? How could you still give thanks when you know that their is not much to offer for your children? How could you say "God you are good" when your children grow up watching their own friends and family killed outside your front door? How is it you say "God you are the great protector " when you live in one of the most dangerous countries in the world? How do you raise your hands praising God for the rain that floods your town, for the water that may or may not be on today? How could you say "Hosanna in the Highest" when you watch as your kids are left to play in trash and run barefoot till their feet bleed because you cannot afford new shoes? How do you call him father when he has abandoned you, left you in hardship?"

In those moments as these questions flooded my head... sitting back in my seat, my heart became heavy. It is not them that I should feel sorry for, nor is it this woman who is without much. For I am the fool. She is rich in all things that matter. She is rich in things that last. Rich in the truth, that God has not and never will abandon them. He never has.  These people have obtained something I do not have. They have found that true life, is found in his promises that he has and will never forsake us.  My moment of feeling sorry for this woman, faded quickly... I find joy and thanksgiving in material things, in success, in my accomplishments. I praise God for his goodness when MY plans work out as I had foreseen.

All of these things that I seek treasure in will soon fade.

Hondurans are rich in things that matter most. They find joy in the details, celebrating and praising the very one who loves them no matter what.

I am grateful to be humbled... more aware of how selfish I am, and how far I have to go to find the truest form of joy in this life.

Feeling ever more grateful to live in a place that is far more rich with things that matter than I could ever be.

Warmest Kristina

**** Loving this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbbtmmUw490

And with both fists, I'm needin' you

Heads up 7 up was a childhood favorite. and today the third graders made my morning when they all completed their English homework from the night before (Exception being two kids who explained that they did not quite understand). This is a big feat for this class, they have a reputation for being rowdy so this was a small victory. Because of this we got to play a game for the last few minutes in class. Sitting low in a mini chair, with my head down, my knees to my chest, in between two kids giggling, I was so grateful... the kids had been so good all morning and there is nothing like playing a game, knowing that when you put your head down, eyes are closed, your thumb up, knowing that the kids are fine, that they wont tear down the walls, that you trust them.

I was like a proud parent, and there is nothing better than that. I know what it is like now (maybe in a small way) what it is like to give your children boundaries and rules, and to watch them respect and love others in those boundaries. I know as well what it is like to be proud of your children. To celebrate when they do well. Today was full of all of those things....

Last night we went to the D and D Brewery for wine night. I have been doing a 30 day challenge of Paleo eating, (No grains, no legumes, no dairy, no alcohol, no sugar) and last night I splurged for red wine. We played a game of jenga that the Brewery has that has tasks written on the jenga blocks that you must do when you pull a block out. A few pictures below give you a small glimpse of the game. Three of us ended up crashing at the D and D for the night, as the taxis do not run late and we did not want to leave yet.

After a incredible omelet and the best coffee (we have not quite mastered how they make their coffee so well, we have the same beans but something about the coffee at the D and D taste so much better) we walked to a taxi and home. I woke up this morning with swollen feet, that were only growing worse. I quickly took off my TOMS becuase I realized that they would get stuck should I be leaving them on. Soon after that my roommates informed me that I have a rash on my ears and the next thing you know I have a rash all over. Just my luck I think. 

I decided to head up to the pharmacy to show the pharmacist to get a antihistamine. As I was walking my feet grew more and became very painful. I could tell my throat was beginning to swell... holding it together I hopped into the doctor in town. His daughter is in my class so I knew he would be able to help me. I messaged my roommates to let them know I decided to wait to see him. The best part about medicine here is it is very cheap to see a doctor, you simply walk in, wait in a que and then you see the doctor. He recognized me right away. I showed him my growing rash and feet. At this point I had phoned my roommates to come and bring my epi pen just in case. Molly and Faye both fluent in Spanish helped as I tried to show the doctor and explain. They told me he was going to give me an injection. So I flipped over at his request and got a shot right on my left butt cheek (Sorry a bit more information that you want.  I now have a purple and black bruise under my right cheek and now a bruise in my left from the shot. As my sister said. You cannot catch a break can you. All in all I am good. Laying in bed hoping the swelling dimenishes. I was hoping to get in some yoga today on my day off. But a swelly foot is no good for yoga. We have family dinner tonight. Chef Philip and Kate are the cooks. (Phillip was a chef in england). Looking forward to Thai Curry.

Pre shot... Molly and Faye laughed as i laid on the table. Note all the meds behind me...

I am home now, resting up, hoping the swelling dies a bit. Happy Friday yall.

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Lord forget all of my sins

Well let me die where I lie

The words above are the lyrics to a song on the ever more beautiful new Mumford cd. I have listened to this cd on repeat since I bought it. I am laying on my yoga mat, with papers of my kids, a grade book, green tea, and the sound of the rain slowly hitting the roof ahead. Our power just came back on. Just before I was using my headlamp. This place has captured my heart fully and completely  My kids today were precious, enthusiastic, and so innocent to the world around them bearing the image of a incredible God who sees to it that he design each one of us with such care and detail. 

All I hope for, is to follow his light. The words to a different Mumford song resonate so much with me. I do not know what this song is about but I like to think that it is about Gods love. That without him (gods love) I am lost. I am wandering lost and  my hope is that I live in his light, in the midst of his promises. Seeing the world through his eyes. His eyes see each face, each tear as his own. I so long to do that. Although I am afraid, for it requires much and asks much but I am learning more each day of how little I need, how selfish I am, and how much the world has to offer.

Is all that I'm asking for

Without her I'm lost

Oh my love don't fade away

I think I have found that with a few small things, a good cup of coffee, my bike, the company of friends, a passion for life and adventure I will be quite content. I am certain I am not going to go back to the life I had the same but even more than that I am quite certain I may not go back at all. Atleast not being in the same flesh as i am now. The world is far to big, gods love for his people far outweighs any life I could live collecting a large pay check, building a large home and living excessively. Not that those things are not nice but he has so much more, and it is all worth so much more, and I gain so much more.

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Well keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Warmest to you from this place. May you too keep your eyes to serve and your hands to always learn

Let Me Interrupt We Have a New Pet in Our House

When you spend two days at home with no tv, no roommates, sometimes no electricity, in a third world country one would be wise to propose the question, What have you been doing? Great question. To be honest time goes rather quick here. I go from facebook, to reading my book, catching up on blogs, cleaning up my room, making coffee, falling asleep. By 11:00 in the morning it gets very hot making doing much of anything seem like work. We do not have air conditioning so when the sun is up and there is very little breeze, laying is bed is often the most unpleasant thing to do.

Still not yet back to my normal self but feeling much better. I made a visit to the Honduran clinic and saw a doctor to get me medicine. The clinic was a horrific scene of elderly, young children, starving, smelly as you can imagine. I was happy to get an antibiotic to help (although I have no idea what it is). My fellow coworker Veronika who is from England but has lived here for 30 years, took me and translated.

I spent Friday evening with all of the teachers at our house having dinner. I stayed at home on Friday from school.. As well I cannot say enough about my roommates for covering my classes and teaching my kids. We are short on teachers and many of us are teaching classes in multiple grades, so for my roommates to take the few periods that they have free and be with my kids is so appreciated. To be honest I think they enjoyed me being sick. ....Just like when I was a kid... A substitute was sometimes the best day of the week. It typically meant it was a movie day or we were allowed to work quietly. The substitute was typically much more relaxed than our real teacher too. I am certain my kids were well taken care of and happy for a new face up in front of the classroom.

Friday I laid in bed and rested up. I have started a 30 day cleanse. I am not sure what has upset my stomach or made me sick these first few weeks so I have decided to restart my metabolism, rethink food. This is a version of the Paleo diet. You can check it out here. http://whole9life.com (A former colleague of mine eats Paleo now, but to be honest not sure if the extremes of Paleo suit me, but I simply wanted to do 30 days of riding my body of some things and get my stomach on better track living here. I am tired of being sick. Here's to 30 days... will let yall know how it goes.

Saturday we drove to San Pedro Sula. All 7 of us in Nicks truck to buy things at the mall and big fancy grocery store (comparable to a grocery store in the US, you could buy anything. They carry the Cosco name brand as well). I was able to stock up on some things and buy frozen chicken so the trip was a success. On our way back to Pena Blanca the boys had some beers in the bed of the pickup on the way home. Something about riding in the back of a truck in Central America with a beer seems very illegal but I can assure it is not at all. (I didn't have one, even though I wish I could have)

We made it home and started organizing our kitchen with our newly bought shelves, dishes, cooking things etc. To quote Molly, "We are way more excited about this than we should be." Simple things my friends are worth celebrating here and more of our "rubbish" (Crap) being put away on shelves and a house cleaned up makes us happy. All of our excitement wore off when we lost power around 5:45 pm or so. The boys often come to our house to live stream college football so having no power, means no internet, means no college football scores and leaves us wandering in the dark. Saturday evening would have been fine with no power, we were enjoying the candlelit talk, but we had plans for the evening. We were to go to the bar/dance club in town that night with friends we had met. As if showering in the freezing cold is not enough already, try showering in the dark, dressing in the dark and putting on makeup. (By the way makeup entails the bare minimums, it is too hot and makeup does not stay on.

Side note: We also only have a few small mirrors in our house. I have found Facetime/ or Iphoto on my macbook to be the best mirror to use when getting ready.

In the dark we got ready only to learn that the bar we were going too, is on the same electric grid as we are and they did not have power either. AHHH Honduras. :) Got to love it.

Another side note: Right now my roommates are screaming and I am not going out of my room, because we have a new pet, he/ she is a mouse/rat or whatever rodent lives in Honduras. I may not finish this post because I want to go to sleep quickly so that if he/ she rat/mouse happens to run more ramped in our house I want nothing to do with him or her. Oh man I wish you could hear the noise right now. Molly is currently crying and screaming... While Kate is giving instructions "No no no this way this way!" As they all run towards the kitchen. Molly is still crying and screaming. Now a door just slammed. Call me selfish for hiding in my room but I am sure they have it under control.

We met up with our friends and made our way to the next town over to go to the dance club/bar. Imagine a scene from the movies, set in Latin America where everyone is dancing to salsa,  loud music, run down place, lots of people, hot and sweaty, the building barely seems as though it would stay in tact. Got that in your head...... This is precisely what it looked like. As well Molly and I laughed knowing that no matter where you are in the world there is always a place to buy late night greasy food after have had drinks. There was a Honduran woman serving up Baleadas outside the bar. Made us laugh.

When we walked in the place we were definitely the newbies, or I guess you could say the talk of the town. We stood out like sore thumbs. Everyone was really nice and we enjoyed dancing. Culturally everyone dances with everyone and people change dance partners frequently. We learned this quick when after 20 minutes or so at least 5 people have come up to you to ask to dance. Faye, my roommate, lived in Cuba before Honduras and was on a mission to find a man who could salsa. Her mission came up short, at least finding a man she felt danced up to her standards. I was able to have someone teach me two different dances, Salsa and Meregue. Hoping to get better... I do not think I am good at all.

Click here to hear one of the songs that everyone knew in the club, Mana, a band from Mexico popular in Central America. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcnNeGQHwDc

I am now sitting in bed, I got an update on the rat/mouse. He/She has moved into the kitchen. Yikes much worse. But Kate is trying to catch he/she.

On this note I am going to bed, after a lazy Sunday, run in the heat and still trying to feel 100 better I am getting my sleep.

Night to all of you. Sweet dreams and hopefully Rat/Mouse free.
Kristina

Some friends and family have asked if they could send me anything. If you could overnight the Lindt Dark Chocolate or Two Buck Chuck (cheap wine) (You learn to get what you can when you live here, so two buck chuck would do just fine, but of course not until my 30 day challenge it done) it would be so appreciated, however I cannot get mail. If you want to receive mail living in Honduras, and if your mail is lucky enough to make it through the postal system you have to get a PO box. This PO Box is located in a town far over and you have to arrange for a pickup of the mail. When we got news of this, without a second thought we all quickly knew that getting mail was not an option. (you can send me letters if you wish to my parents in Texas and I will get them at Christmas, kidding, but seriously you can). night yall.

Paper Airplanes

Paper airplanes in my class were a huge hit. Below is the picture of my kids as we were gearing up to fly them. It was art class so I decided to combine two things that are great when you are kid..... decorating things and throwing things in the air. Why not? It was a good Friday. This was one of those days I could have squeezed all the kids tightly as though I may not see them again. Perhaps it was because I did not have to teach all day and I only spent a few classes with my kids but either way today I delighted to see my kids so excited to fly their planes. Really funny story though because they all came to me to make their airplanes (fold them for them). Having never made a paper airplane before.... I had them all lined up at my desk to make them for them. Maybe I have made one once or twice in my life but they do not usually fly anywhere, pretty much straight to the ground. But today my kids were forming a line to have me make their airplanes. Hilarious. I folded and acted as though I had made these my whole life (making it up) hoping the kids would not notice. They did not notice. It was great. I even stood at the board with my back facing them so on the count of three they could fly them and try and hit me. They loved it.

Side note: I have been feeling a bit under the weather. Not sure if I ate something wrong or if it is just getting adjusted but hoping I continue to feel better. We are off to the beach tomorrow. Dia de los Maestros is Monday. Day of the Teacher. (No school Monday) We are renting a cabin on the beach. We are traveling early in the morning.... Hoping for a nice weekend away with the other teachers.

As well I should mention I had a great run today. Matt and I decided to run in the neighborhood across from my apartment. This was the first time since I have lived here I saw the extreme poverty. Homes that were built with scraps of wood or trash... What you see day to day is poor and what many would say is poverty but what we saw today is a different kind of poverty. We ran up and down the streets. It was more like a trail run... gravel not paved. Steady incline, super sweaty.... but so good. As well stray dogs you have to be aware of. If you encounter a dog that feels threatened by you (they are territorial in this country) they will attack so you have to act as though you are picking up a rock and they will back off (if not you throw a rock at them). This has not happened to me but while running today it was the closest we have experienced. Matt stayed on the inside of me and had to fend off two dogs. I kept running and was so grateful he was there.. He picked up a few rocks as they barked and ran towards us. They backed away eventually and we went on. I am not sure what I would have done if it were just me. (side note it is not advised for me to run alone, all of us go with someone else anyplace we go)

People look at us like we are crazy running because people are typically only running in this country unless they are running from something.... or after a futbol (soccer ball). Everyone seems to look at you like you are completely nutts, or they are asking who is chasing you?

Some fun news.....I am starting swim lessons for two of the kids in my class starting Tuesday. I am excited to spend sometime with them outside of class and do something I love and miss dearly. Both of the moms do not speak good English but fortunately their kids do much better than they so we could arrange a time and a place easily.

I will write more about what is happening when I return from the beach. For now my heart is heavy thinking of my friend Amy. Would so appreciate your prayers for her and her family. Below is a link to a video taken of her and tells of her story.....

http://www.jenpluschris.com/amy-charis-give-me-jesus/

From this place and my new home to all of yours... my warmest regards to your family..

Kristina....

Here is a picture from church two weeks ago.. Doggie to church day anyone? And some sweet kiddos playing futbol in the street.

Grace for the Road Reading.

Yesterday I included a quote from the following blog http://gracefortheroad.com/2011/10/26/grill/

I loved what she wrote, so honest and so true. I love this part as well, written as she was traveling back home to the comfort of England, from the middle east where she has been for some time she writes:

But as I sank deeply into the window seat on the plane, I let myself be honest. I relished the peace. I thought of the green hills of England, my local Starbucks and the men I pass on the street who smile kindly and walk on.

And I realized there’s a fine line between gratitude and entitlement, and I had jumped so far over it that the line had retreated faster than a British summer.

And I felt a check in my heart that made me realize that, once again, He didn’t have all of me.

I so resonate with this. Today was not a very good day at school. For starters my kids were so tired it was like they all took benadryl and came to school for the day. Could not understand why? Until,  Oh wait I remember! Yesterday they were swimming, in the sun, running wild from 9-3. No wonder they were tired!

 I welcomed the quiet classroom but I knew the day would not be very productive. All I wanted to do was look at the kids and say  "Ok Kids, Lets all take a nap! Ms. Kristina is tired too!" But of course the show goes on.

I was leaving the school today and I had one of those when I get back to America moments in my head, ....I want to get my nails done, my hair cut and washed with the hairdresser giving me a mini massage on my head, my clothes to not be stiff when they dry, new tennis shoes (mine are dirty, stinky and just plain gross)  my iphone back working full steam and to curl my hair so I can feel like a woman again (not a hot sweaty mess, with sticky hands from kids).

I find great comfort in my things, all my stuff... my stuff in storage, my car in storage.... those things have much more control and influence in my life than I think.

Her final words she wrote, God does not have all of me.

She is not alone, God doesn't have all of me either.

Giving all of me means giving up everything.... and trusting in his promises to fulfill my desires, and to live life on his grounds and not my own. I am not saying this means giving up the above things (trust me God is a big supporter of Starbucks) but it is simply a different way of life living. It is a completely selfless kind of love and life, I am so not sure I am ready to do this yet.. I can do this in small doses, when it is safe when it easy. When finances are in order, I will help others out. But by Gods grand design he doesn't ask us to follow him when it is easy, nor when it is convenient on my schedule or life's plan. He simply asks for me to follow him.

So today after what was not such a good day. My kids ended up waking up after some food and we all prevailed through on our Thursday.

I am still learning each day to figure out more of who I am, who god is, and how he fits in this whole crazy thing called life and my life here.

With love
Kristina

Some pictures of the crazy water. slide thingy are coming your way soon.... trust me you want to see this place..

Side story: my Spanish is improving but still does not work to well. A student was crying after lunch and I thought his stomach was upset. I told him I would take him to the nurse, so I did. I then stand as she is talking to him and I hear him say "no dinero". No money. I knew then that he was crying because he did not have money to buy lunch so he did not have anything to eat. Could have screamed and cried for him... So frustrating not to speak Spanish and to be able to help. So upsetting. (I gave him what I had left of my lunch and he seemed ok from then on.. helped I hope, no more tears)

It is Good. It Will Be a Long Time.

When a dear friend writes you and tells you she misses you and you realize you have not spoken in weeks and you used to know what she did for nearly 40 hours a week. It makes you remember where you are. Life is good here. I am loving it, soaking it in, but not so sure I have really taken in to account how long I will be here for. I know I went to college away, I used to be far from home but this is just a  kind of different awayness (Made this word up). My coworkers at my job before I moved here were kind enough to gift me a calender as a going away gift, on this calender each person wrote me a message on their birthday. So every month I have new notes, from different people. I love seeing what they wrote and knowing they were born that day, so I can wish them Happy Birthday. (Thank you Soley for giving me one of my most treasured heartfelt gifts I have ever been given). It is so encouraging. I so appreciate it.

Relationships are good. They are important and this is one of those things you learn when you do not have the ones that mean the most in front of you. I say all of this because I am so grateful to have people to miss. I know I am lucky because I have a calender that people thought was important to write a message on. Things like this make long days with kids seem really good and reminds me of how great god is... how much he desires us to have relationships, that matter, ones that we can run too. The once wise person who I do not know said, "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." I so felt that way leaving Colorado. I watched the Broncos game on my computer sunday night and saw the sunset on the game and tried not to shed a tear. That place holds and will forever hold a special place in my heart. As for Honduras I am learning very fast that this place too will be one that will hold a special place.

Today with our kids we spent the day at a waterpark/ somewhat scary pool with slides that look like they might break, dirty pool, tents that seem to barely hold up and nearly 300 people. It was a complete chaotic mess of kids, parents, toddlers, running like mad and we the teachers pretending to play babysitter. friend. lifeguard.. everything you can imagine. Oh and language barrier to top it all off. We are all sun burnt to the crisp but are home laughing about what was not at all surprising in Honduras. Why wouldn't this be a good idea? I mean what is 150 or so kids swimming screaming all at once without any order or lifeguard be an awesome day? Let me tell you if I were 8 years old today would have been one of the greatest days ever.... all my friends, a swimming pool, waterslides, lots of candy from a pinata, fried chicken french fries, coke... awesome day. But as an adult and teacher it was not the same. Gave me a few heart attacks but the day was good.. but in more than a few moments I was a little envious. I want to scream and play with not even a second thought. Children do that so well and we adults do not do it nearly enough.

I came across a blog recently of a girl that writes so elqquently, saying things so well and she wrote the below as she was heading home to England after living in the Middle East and reflecting on her journey following Jesus . I like the way she puts this and I thought I would share:

A couple of years ago, I had gotten to the point where I realized I had been playing tug of war with God, asking Him from the church pew, “What do I do? How do I get to the place I should be? How do I do what I need to do to be OK with you?

And then He showed me it wasn’t about me at all, what I have or don’t have. It was about His glory in the nations … and how everything else should slip through my fingers like Middle Eastern sand so that I can grab hold of Him and take Him to others. It’s about me knowing Him and making Him known … to everyone I meet in the United States, to every international person living in England who’s never heard the name of Jesus, to everyone in the world.

Some days I get a little too attached to my park, to my big green hills, to my Starbucks and my tea house … not that those things are bad. I’m here, for the moment. I want to seize every moment here, enjoy Him in it, use it to show Him to others.

But if He asked for me to turn that plane around, I shouldn’t hesitate. And I shouldn’t cower in my seat hoping He won’t ask.

I should offer.

God is good... So good to me. Still living life here. From my bed, sorting pictures done by my kids of their families. (Flaming hair on mom and dad, stick people siblings... awesome pictures)

Love Kristina

My kids.

A little boy named Andres had an accident today. I was very surprised by how calm he was. He did not seem to mind that his pants were soaked from the front to the back. He looked me with the most precious eyes, needing help, and if I were honest with you my reaction was a bit selfish. He went to the bathroom all over the place and it was a bit gross. Selfish thoughts I know. I quickly snapped out of my immediate reaction to look at his soaked school pants and wanted to help, but felt very helpless. His English is not that good. Maybe his english is better than I get to see, but he prefers Spanish. Spanish is easy for these kids, it is what is comfortable, and it is what they know. So they ALL speak in Spanish. They seem to think that I can as well speak spanish too which is so NOT the truth. He said a few things but I knew what had happened, so not much was needed to translate. Either way this little boy was taken outside the class and his mom came a few moments later with new "pantalones". Another day in our class.

I would ask you pray for a few of my little ones. I have a few that I am quite certain should not be in 2nd grade. They do not have their books and have no desire to learn or participate. I am hopeful but tired, and there is so much to do, kids asking for help and a few of these kids often get forgotten. I do not want to forget them. I want them to get the time and the attention they deserve. Say a prayer for Caleb, Josafat, Helen, Kevin and Michell. These kids have long names that are not written here and out of respect for their families I want to protect their privacy so first names are enough.

My kids as I said are beautiful, many are very smart, some are a total pain in my side but they are cute and stubborn all at the same time. I do not know these kids families, the homes they go back too or the future that is before them but I am trying to remind myself each second, that each face was designed and is being shaped and molded into a child of God. Gods hand is in their lives, and he made them that way for a reason. Teaching resting in this truth helps me not get discouraged by the long days, the lack of resources, the language barrier, and the lack of administration..... it makes those things seem so insignificant. Those things are so so so insignificant.

Monday at school was Dia De Los Ninos, the day of the child. Our day was good. Tiring but good. My second graders are learning about The Sentence in English.... I am still trying to find the best way to teach this. In Science, we "MEASURED" the length of the campo  futbol field.  The kids needed to get out of the classroom and we are learning about all the tools we use in Science so it seemed like a good idea to me :) Nothing like marching across the field with 22 kids all in a line counting our steps. I am also teaching my kids the old Vacation Bible school song, "Who's the King of the Jungle " I used to sing this song in VBS. I loved it and thought my kids would too. It is very funny to see them make the hand motions with the song too. I however look like a total goof!



The school is off to a water park thingy tomorrow. In other news our water turned back on. It has been close to 24 hours without water! I got to shower finally! (sink was overflowing, but things could have gotten much worse). Me taking a shower is a huge plus, for anyone that has to encounter me. (not having water is common, well more common than one would think, and yes the whole town did not have water it was not just us :).

Warmest to you
Kristina

If God really sits and watches us?

I am certain at some point I will have mentioned all of my students, for things they say and for the things that test my patience so I am going to save my kiddos for a later post. However today I should mention that I am feeling a bit better. I say this with a bit of hesitation because I still have not yet received my schedule of classes, but it does appear that I will be teaching both sections of Second Grade A and B. Which means that when one class is in Spanish or an elective course I will be in the other teaching the core subjects. Fingers crossed I find out for the last time and the schedule is official tomorrow. (they say tomorrow we will get them, although we are already 2 days in of school, crazy I know).

If God really does sit up in heaven in a chair and watch us (I don't think he does, but for this visual lets pretend he does) I suppose he is watching me in these moments like a parent would be, hoping I make the right choices because he has taught me so for so long what is the right thing to do. Like a parent they invest time and energy loving their child so they grow up to make good choices, so that they know right from wrong and just pray their child does well. Let me clarify that I do not think god is watching to see if I am a good teacher, I think God is watching to see where my heart is in the midst of it all of this. I think he wants to see if I am trusting him with this, in my moments of frustration do I seek patience and love over frustration and anger? Do I look at the boy that acts as though I do not exist and kneel down next to him to try and get him to pay attention in class? Do I take deep breaths and soak in each face and each tear that falls knowing that these are the children God calls his own, just as I am? Do I realize how special they are in this kingdom? Goodness even writing this is hard for me to say because I know that God has probably looked down on me thinking, she knows better, she knows that everything will be OK, that I am taking care of these kids, that I am taking care of her, he is probably saying, Kristina Kristina Kristina!!! Trust me, it is all going to go as I have planned just love these kids well and love me first, I promise I will take care of the details.

If you know me this experience has already tested my stubborn, type A, independent personality... to the almost maximum and I have only been here over a week or so.... (time flies yet seems to stand still here). This country and much of this region of the world operates at a snails pace, decisions are made but on Honduran time, so you might as well sit down, pour yourself a drink and relax because things are done on their time. It is not that this time is not good, sometimes it is nice. I live in a house with three girls, no TV and we sit in our kitchen each night, planning for classes, laughing at our accents, listening to music, sharing food. We have no agenda, no place to go and are here. God is already doing a great deal in my heart and we are only on week 2.

Sunday all of the teachers and Ms. Veronika (from England, has lived here for 25 years or so, married a Honduran) went to San Pedro Sula to buy things at a Walmart similar store, shelves, things for our houses, floor mats etc. We also went to a store that had a great deal of American foods, so nice to stock up on some things to make chocolate chip cookies down the road. Our trip was fun, exhausting... We drove back to Pena Blanca (1.5 hour drive and I fell asleep in the bus). Sunday did some P90X in my room, sweating like crazy but it felt good to do something. Matt and I went to a Catholic church walking distance from their house on Sunday night. We got directions from his neighbors and they showed us on a map how to get there. His neighbors alerted us that we would pass a church on the way but it was not the Catholic one, so we should keep going. Turns up we didn't listen because we walked up to this church and the congregation of 8 people or so were staring at us. The pastor then preceded to say welcome, (He was so excited we were there) and I asked Catholica?? Catholicm? He said 7th Day (in Spanglish)? I then immediately was like "Ok Adios, Gracias Adios" Awkward to say the least yes. We laughed because we knew something was not right but we were kind of turned around....

We made it to the Catholic Church and it was packed.. Like sitting outside in chairs kind of crowded. (We sat in these chairs) I did not understand anything. (Matt is Catholic, I only caught on to the Lords Prayer because of the rhythm, I was like "OOOO I know this one!!" ) The whole service was all in Spanish of course. Matt and I sat in the lawn chairs outside and read our bibles while the service was performed. Let me paint a small picture of the service... there was a random stray dog in the middle of the aisle the whole service, packed with people all around.... lots of children running wild. Fans on the ceilings blowing. Marriages of about 8 people or so in the middle of the service at least that is what we concluded from our understanding of the priest. I held this young girls baby who was being a bit fussy for a while during the service. Bounced her and kept her entertained for a bit.. But she quickly fussed again and I handed her back to her mom. Her mom then began breast feeding right in church, (No fancy Hooter Hider, as they have in the USA for the suburbia moms, Honduran women mean business when it comes to taking care of a baby.... if baby is hungry than baby eats even if it is in the middle of mass. I realize I should not have been surprised but I was quite distracted because she sat right next to me and we are taking communion and baby is just having dinner... Goodness me.

I am still going to update on the School. Sorry more of my posts on my reflections on the school and no enough about the school itself. I promise more are coming. But since I think my kids are adorable.. Here are some pictures of my Second Grade A class.

22 in total

More updates to come soon.... Many blessings to you.

Kristina

Deep breaths. Central America Time.

First day of school and a whole weekend to recap and I cant seem to even know where to begin. I am quite discouraged at the moment.  Today was the first day of school. I am going to get some venting off my chest first before I begin to dive into all the goodness that occurred.

Francis Chan writes,  “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.”

I have to be honest after a full day of parents wanting to meet me, asking a ton of questions,  I just stood there like a person that has just seen a ghost while still trying to maintain a smile. I explain to these parents that I do not speak Spanish. They sigh and then leave the room. I smile again and then chuckle. I dont know if I laugh because it is funny or more because I have no idea what else I am supposed to do.

All of this to say the kids are so excited. They were running in to give me hug, others were hiding behind their parents legs being shy , and did I mention they are some of the most beautiful children you could ever imagine. Their eyes are full of so much, big brown eyes, dark thick hair anyone could ever dream of. But there I am in the midst of it all, wondering how am I supposed to do this. How am I, to teach and to teach well. I want the kids to be smart, to know english but how do you teach about the oceans and lakes in science class when the kids are not able to answer in English what their favorite subject is. The truth of it is, is that none of that matters. I am afraid. I dont want to fail. You look at their sweet faces and want nothing more than to love them well, and loving them well means dedicated to teaching them well and at the moment I dont know where to begin. So I am discouraged and well thats that. It is what it is.

To switch to a more lighter side....I do have some rather funny things to share with you.  My roommates have asked to be mentioned, and those that have been mentioned wonder why they have not been mentioned yet. Two of my roommates are English. Which means I will probably come home speaking English with a British Accent more so than speaking Spanish but either way I will sound sophisticated and smarter than I am. (Thats how they sound).

They do say however the following funny things;

• Bathing Suit: You know the thing you wear to go in the pool or to a lake..... they call this SWIMMING COSTUME! (About fell on the floor laughing, not sure I will ever get over that one.
• Drinking with friends/ drinking to much: A Piss Up. Yes you read that correctly. They use the expression, "We are going to have a piss up"
• Cookies: Biscuits. Just plain weird.

A small recap of the last few days. Saturday I went to Pulpansak. (Amazing waterfall so close to where we live) The weather was beautiful and this waterfall is close and we were desperate to go swimming. So Matt and I very last minute changed our clothes and headed out to grab a taxi. We got in the taxi and he said "BOOSE, BOOSE (aka Bus)" Matt and I looked at each other and were very confused but the taxi driver told us to get in and he dropped us off at the bus. We stepped off the taxi and this man shuffled us onto the bus. We got on the public bus sat all the way in the back and waiting for it to be full. Full on a Honduras bus does not mean every seat is taken. It means that people are in the front seat with 3 kids, people are standing and then the bus is Full. The men stand outside and yell, "San Pedro, San Pedro, San Pedro" trying to get people to board so we could leave.  Our bus will take you all the way to San Pedro Sula but stops along the way, no particular stops but simply where people are standing on the side of the road. Matt and I sat, in the heat, sweating as we waited and laughed about the uncertainty about if this was the right bus to get on and if we would end up where we wanted to be. But before you know it off we went.  You do not buy a ticket for the bus but you simply pay the man standing at the door of the bus. We were nervous about knowing when we would need to get off but as if the whole bus knew where we were heading, (Bathing suits, totally American didn't give us away ;)) The bus stopped and everyone looked at us as we got off.

We walked and walked down this road and looked for the waterfall, unbeknownst to us we passed the entrance. For 40 minutes or so we walked in the scorching heat and totally lost. This nice couple stopped and I was ready to jump in the bed of their truck because I thought they would take us straight there. But instead they were kind enough to tell us we were way way way far from it, we walked to far. So they guided us back to the right place. We finally made it and the waterfall lived up to every expectation. The waterfall drops nearly 40 meters. We took a behind the waterfall tour, which means jumping in the pools, going behind the waterfall which meant we were holding hands as a group and swam underneath it all. I did not have my camera so I included the below pictures. Doesn't do it justice at all. Last part of the tour was a 35 foot or so jump into the pool. Insane but so awesome. (this would probably not be allowed in the US. It was a bit scary at times).

Does not show the magnitude of it al. 

Beautiful

Matt and I then started walking back to town, hoping that the bus that makes mystery stops would drive by and we could jump on because we had a futbol game to make in the town of Carnival.. and we were already 2 hours late. But the bus never drove by. So we kept walking and a lady stopped, speaking good English and offered a ride. We did not hesitate and got in her car. Perhaps next time we will think again but she was very nice. Her son was in the back and was watching a movie so I watched too. Funny. She had lived in New Jersey for 8 years so her English was quite good. She was heading to  visit family in our town, from San Pedro. We were so appreciative for the ride to the futbol game.

I just realized that it is already almost 7:00 and I have not gotten things ready for class tomorrow. Lots of activities in store to hopefully learn names and get an idea of where these kids are at in terms of their English skills. As well.. I will share of my Sunday trip with the group to San Pedro/ my first Church visit/ P90X in my room while it is 90 plus humidity and of course the first day of school!

Your prayers are so appreciated...

Week One In.

I am sitting right now watching the Notre Dame game on an Ipad, through facetime. The live streaming was not working so Matt had his brother put his ipad up in front of their TV at home and we are watching through Facetime. Technology is pretty incredible.

As for me I am hanging in there. We finally got our schedules for school that will start on Monday. I say finally with a bit of frustration because, we were supposed to receive them on Monday. There was a lot of back and forth between the owner of the school and the principal because instead of placing us with one classroom for the entire day they have us moving around quite a bit. This was done largely in part because there are not enough of us to go around. The school  has made it clear they want to demonstrate to the community and the parents that they bring in teachers from other countries so they have spread us across the school... I am not sure if this is the most effective way to teach the kids but either way school starts Monday and we are excited to meet our kids. I am nervous a bit how I am going to get through the textbooks to plan and  create lessons because I do not even know what you know or do not know when you are in second grade. I also have no idea how much English they can speak. Guess I will find out Monday!

In the meantime we went to the D&D Brewery last night for a good meal and a microbrew. This is the only Microbrew in the country started by an American backpacker 6 or so years ago. It is a hotel, place to get a massage, a good meal close to the lake and is the lonely planets top place for travelers in Honduras. We have found that this will be our escape and splurge spot. They also organize adventures from this point, tubing down the river, hiking in the mountains, cave diving.. etc. When I say Hotel I should mention this means huts in the rainforest that have a reliable roof and bathroom :)

Our classrooms are looking good :) Well we like to think so given the resources we had. Some construction paper, some poster board we bought in town and some sticky glue. Our apartment was a mess the last few evenings as we had paper, markers and all of our signs all over the floor. Every afternoon it begins raining at 3:30 or so and does not stop through the night. Our roof is tin so it is hard to even here yourself think.

In other news I found Coke Light in the gas station across the street! So excited. Made my day. For some reason coke light is a bit harder to find than you think.

As well I met one of my students.. She is the most beautiful girl with big brown eyes and thick dark hair. She will be in my class. I cannot wait to meet the kids.

As well I should mention I get to teach PE on Friday afternoons to the 3rd grade. I am thinking I may need to bring in sports from around the world.... Selfishly I just want to play American football :) and kickball.

View of the outside of part of the school.

The kids will decorate the jerseys on the windows.

Our Goals!

Have a Ball on your Birthday

A look inside the 2nd grade classroom

Transportation Theme Room 3rd Grade

Read the signs!

With lots of excitement and trying not to be too concerned about Monday.. I send you a picture of where I am writing from right now.... Internet at my house is down so we are visiting a friends.