Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Grace for the Road Reading.

Yesterday I included a quote from the following blog

I loved what she wrote, so honest and so true. I love this part as well, written as she was traveling back home to the comfort of England, from the middle east where she has been for some time she writes:

But as I sank deeply into the window seat on the plane, I let myself be honest. I relished the peace. I thought of the green hills of England, my local Starbucks and the men I pass on the street who smile kindly and walk on.
And I realized there’s a fine line between gratitude and entitlement, and I had jumped so far over it that the line had retreated faster than a British summer.
And I felt a check in my heart that made me realize that, once again, He didn’t have all of me.

I so resonate with this. Today was not a very good day at school. For starters my kids were so tired it was like they all took benadryl and came to school for the day. Could not understand why? Until,  Oh wait I remember! Yesterday they were swimming, in the sun, running wild from 9-3. No wonder they were tired!

 I welcomed the quiet classroom but I knew the day would not be very productive. All I wanted to do was look at the kids and say  "Ok Kids, Lets all take a nap! Ms. Kristina is tired too!" But of course the show goes on.

I was leaving the school today and I had one of those when I get back to America moments in my head, ....I want to get my nails done, my hair cut and washed with the hairdresser giving me a mini massage on my head, my clothes to not be stiff when they dry, new tennis shoes (mine are dirty, stinky and just plain gross)  my iphone back working full steam and to curl my hair so I can feel like a woman again (not a hot sweaty mess, with sticky hands from kids).

I find great comfort in my things, all my stuff... my stuff in storage, my car in storage.... those things have much more control and influence in my life than I think.

Her final words she wrote, God does not have all of me.

She is not alone, God doesn't have all of me either.

Giving all of me means giving up everything.... and trusting in his promises to fulfill my desires, and to live life on his grounds and not my own. I am not saying this means giving up the above things (trust me God is a big supporter of Starbucks) but it is simply a different way of life living. It is a completely selfless kind of love and life, I am so not sure I am ready to do this yet.. I can do this in small doses, when it is safe when it easy. When finances are in order, I will help others out. But by Gods grand design he doesn't ask us to follow him when it is easy, nor when it is convenient on my schedule or life's plan. He simply asks for me to follow him.

So today after what was not such a good day. My kids ended up waking up after some food and we all prevailed through on our Thursday.

I am still learning each day to figure out more of who I am, who god is, and how he fits in this whole crazy thing called life and my life here.

With love

Some pictures of the crazy water. slide thingy are coming your way soon.... trust me you want to see this place..

Side story: my Spanish is improving but still does not work to well. A student was crying after lunch and I thought his stomach was upset. I told him I would take him to the nurse, so I did. I then stand as she is talking to him and I hear him say "no dinero". No money. I knew then that he was crying because he did not have money to buy lunch so he did not have anything to eat. Could have screamed and cried for him... So frustrating not to speak Spanish and to be able to help. So upsetting. (I gave him what I had left of my lunch and he seemed ok from then on.. helped I hope, no more tears)

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