Sunday

The weekend... has come and gone. This Sunday may go on record as one of the most productive in a while and a day I can scratch off more of my twenty wishes that I want to accomplish come December of this year.

Below is a updated:

7. Visit an Orphanage at least once a month (whether I am in Honduras or anywhere)

• • December 1, 2012 San Pedro Sula
• • December 8, 2012 Pena Blanca
• • January 28, 2013 Pena Blanca
• • February 10, 2013 Pena Blanca
• • March
• • April
• • May
• • June
• • July 
• • August
• • September
• • October
• • November
1. Read four Jane Austen Novels (Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park)
2. Complete 30 days straight of yoga

After an early night Saturday I woke up on my own around 6 am this morning. Our early morning habit of waking up for school must be to blame. Kylie, Rose and I did yoga at 7:30 for an hour while the rest of our house stayed in bed. With a cup of coffee I then grabbed my book and finished Pride and Prejudice. I am a big fan of the movie and the book was even better than I could have hoped. One of my favorite quotes, (Cheesy a bit but I like it still.)

"In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." 

Anticipating a very very hot day I set out for a walk/run by myself for an hour after I finished my book. It was really nice to be out and get some time to just be out of our house, alone. When I returned home a few of us had made a plan to head to the orphanage in town to hang with the kids around 3. 

In between the time I spent the rest of my day at the coffee shop in town planning for my kids while I am gone and finalizing all their grades. I was dreading this, so I am glad that i am most of the way finished.

At the orphanage today I learned that my favorite little one, Arturo, has two siblings  This is quite the news to hear considering I want to take him home with me.  Seeing as this is the case than I must take all three...... I will have to make it work. Arturo was just as cute as I remember. Most of the time I was swinging on the swings while the kids pushed me or I was pushing them. It was really nice to spend the afternoon playing on the playground.

We had a successful family dinner tonight, prepared by Kylie and Jason. They served chicken sandwiches with special cranberry mayonnaise (a Upstate New York favorite) and chocolate cream cheese cupcakes (kylies special recipe). Family dinner, is my favorite tradition that we have. We make a point each week to eat dinner together (all the teachers + Jason). By random drawing you are paired up with someone to cook and you are responsible for the menu, any drink items, decorations etc. Tonight was the last night of this round so we redrew names and made a new calender. Next weekend I will be away and others are traveling so we will start back up the following week. I am paired with Faye and Jason and we are serving on March 20, 2013. Right before our Spring Break trip and before Jason's departure. Lots of time to plan for a final farewell to Jason.

All of this to say that after a day of yoga, a run, finishing my book, lesson planning, orphanage visit, family dinner and finalizing grades I am going to sleep. Its going to be a busy week, a short one too. I am Houston bound Thursday morning and then on to Mexico Friday. Yippee :) Just a little excited!

Night to you.....

Letter to Things...

Days ago I wrote a post here that consisted of Letters. Letters to things part 2.... happy day yall

Dear words,

You have the power to mend, to break and to heal even the faintest of hearts. You offer comfort and with the same lips you can offer pain. Although today I am grateful that long ago someone used these words and said, "Wherever you are, Be all there". I am certain God spoke these words to someone long ago.....now every day these words are a reminder to be present where I am. All there. All in. Who has time to halfway do things. All in with relationships, with people, with my kids, with loving big.....

my bed.

______________________________________

Dear Arturo.... Your sweet face. Your shirt says Captain poopy pants. Its ok that your shirt is meant to be a onesie and you are wearing it as a t-shirt with the buttons hanging down. You look so cute. We met in December and I fell in love with you then. I can assure you that only a few more visits stand between me sweeping you away and taking you home with me. 

love me who was given much more from you then i gave you

______________________________________

Dear roommates since August,

For being the greatest group of three women I have had the privilege of living with. For being the same women who encourage me to love this place and as well remind me when I am being totally ridiculous. Who teach me how to love kids well. Who keep me learning knew things about myself and humbling me about the world. For making me wish sometimes that I too called South Africa or England home...... here's to finally getting a picture of us together that is not taken at the beach.

Alison, Me, Faye, Molly

______________________________________

Dear Yoga Day 23. Stronger I feel, happy is my heart thanks to you. To my ever continuing practice. To the challenge ....thanks for keeping me healthy. thanks for making me believe I could actually do this thing.... bring on the next day.

with gratitude kristina

______________________________________

Dear Hymn,

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

No explanation needed. These words are good ones.... and now I am listening to this song over and over again.... Here.

signed thankful me.

_____________________________________

Dear Snowy Colorado,

Thanks for being still awesome even when I am not there. Don't worry its not like I miss you or anything.... (ahem ahem). You won my heart in high school, took my heart in College and now I am longing for it back, pretty sure you still have. My dear friend Megs messaged me on her flight back to Colorado and said, "Oh it feels good to see the snowy mountains again." Soon, soon I will be saying that again.... I miss the mountains, playing in the snow, skiing. Colorado stay classy, because you wear it well.

love ski longing kristina

______________________________________

Dear future,

Thanks for being a surprise. I am learning to let you happen, slowly....... but surely. I am anxious, excited and nervous about so many things. Thanks for creating a new desire for school. I can honestly say I am open and beginning to think that this is the future that is in store or perhaps a new adventure in New Zealand. Whatever you have in store for me, thanks in advance for surprising me.

love anxious me.

______________________________________

Dear Jcrew,

Thanks for reminding me that although I live in a place where people have very little and many have nothing at all, you remind me of my still love for beautiful things. Most specifically clothes. Thanks for teasing me with things that I do not have, nor things that are appropriate for this place. Your new email had me swooning over patent leather and bright colors. Thanks for that.

Love desiring fashionista me.

______________________________________

Dear second graders,

YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! You did so well on your English exam! I am so proud. That is all!

Love Miss Kristina, your ever proud teacher.

______________________________________

happy tuesday to you.

Never Forgotten Faces

Pulling through the gate, it was as though we were entering a fortress. Surrounded by high walls and a large gate, the concrete two story building with broken glass windows covered in faded paint was an unwelcome scene. As we pulled the van up, a group of boys emerged from behind the concrete corridor to see who had arrived. They watching closely as we walked into the building. What used to be bright paint of teal and yellow was now distressed. Not a sound was being made.  The place was cold. My heart began to feel heavy. We walked up the steps to the second floor. We made our way to a door with a small glass window.

What could have been said to me before walking through that door would have never prepared my heart for the weight I was about to endure.

The room smelled of urine as a small breeze from the air conditioner above brushed my skin. With very little light, the room was quiet.  Twenty five cribs all lined in rows, no blankets, no sheets, thin mattresses were filled with newborn babies. Babies in stained onesies laid with their eyes looking above. I looked to my right, hoping to turn my head away to then only see a boy with big brown eyes, a stomach enlarged sitting up staring me in the face. My eyes began to fill with water. "Deep breaths Kristina" I thought to myself. "Just take a deep breath." Without hesitation Allison picked up one of the newborn girls. Only months old she opened her eyes as the hands of Allison held her close. I watched. Thinking to myself not sure I will be able to do that. Allison said to me "You can pick them up. Just to warn you, they will cry when you lay them down. They crave any and all human touch."

A little toddler with blonde matted hair to her head, sticking out on the sides, and big blue eyes made herself known by standing in her crib. Her crib buddy followed her as they both climbed out of their crib to the floor. I followed them as they moved into the adjoining room. In that room I was taken back by the overwhelming smell. Grunting and moaning were the sound from the furthest crib in the room. Tied to the crib by a strip of bed sheet the boy older than the others had down syndrome. He was attached to his crib so he would not escape nor hurt any of the other children. Next to him in their own cribs lay four other boys all with severe disabilities  One boy disfigured sat up with his legs turned the wrong ways. Another stared at his hands as they twisted and turned. Reminding myself to breathe again I turned around to walk out. I walked back into the newborn room. Neither room is easy to bear but I knew I was on the verge of crying. 

This place is home to 80-100 orphans. The children here are found on the street, abandoned, neglected, abused, malnourished, and forgotten. This place is home to kids for sometimes months or years. Many of the kids will never return to where they came from. Should they be fortunate to be taken to a private orphanage they will leave the place. 

In a desire to have this horrific scene explained I asked a question that I was afraid I already knew the answer too...."What happens to the disabled children?". Allison kindly answered "They lay in those cribs until they are no longer alive." These children do not leave that room. There is no place for them to get help. There are no doctors that will care. They do not see the sunlight. They simply lay there. 

During our visit we held babies attempting to make them smile. Fed them ritz crackers with peanut butter and squeezed their little bodies tight. I listened as one babies heart beat irregularly. One of the newborn girls was covered in small bumps and was freezing. Her lips quivered as I held her in my arms. I bundled her up in a fleece too many sizes too big for her. The embroidered princess crown on the fleece laid across her forehead. I gently rocked her, repeating over and over again that "Yes you are a princess. Yes you most certainly are."

My eyes held a pool of water for our entire visit. I laid down a little girl and rubbed a few newborns tummies as we said goodbye. Passing by other rooms, we peered through the window at children tied to their bed frames by ripped bed sheets. The rooms are all locked. The orphanage is severely understaffed so they must keep the children locked in their rooms to keep the children from running wild. Rooms upon rooms were filled with metal framed beds, children aged 4- 13 all bound to their beds by their ankle tied with ripped bed sheet. 

Nothing prepares you for the reality that is that place. My heart is still heavy. It is something everyone should see. You could ask me to retell my time there, or you could read this over and over again but there are not enough words to explain. You cannot explain a feeling with words. Some things just must be experienced.

The lump in my throat, my stomach ache and my heavy heart will carry those faces around each day. I may have said this a time or two but for just a moment soak up what you have. Soak up even the ugly parts of what you have. 

I can promise you there are children who are without much tonight. Children who will go to sleep hungry and who go without knowing that someone loves them. I pray that they know they are children of the King and that is something. The most important something of all.

You are someone. Someone to not only me but to the heavenly father who created you, just as you are. In all your ways, in your details, he created you just as you are and he called you good. He loves you so.

With the heaviest heart I pray you find true joy this holiday season.... not in things but just knowing that you matter.

Dance Party. Pizza. Pinata.

Thursday evening pizza party, turned into dance party, piñata cutting, cake. One of the best Thursday evenings to date. Alison and her house of 17 came over for homemade pizza. We decorated, had activities, nail polish, and celebrated for nothing. Cake with sprinkles and a piñata filled with candy. (Piñata Jessie from Toy Story). We transformed our house to host 30 people. All afternoon Faye and Matt prepped homemade pizza. Pizza with cheese, pepperoni, ranch and chicken, bacon and onion, more cheese. We had popcorn, leches (the funky looking Honduran fruit that tastes so good)..

When asked the time, we discovered it was 10:20 pm. The girls all have exams but with a moment of shock wearing off, we all agreed... this was too good of a night to pass up. They stayed for four hours and i have nearly 200 pictures from Dania to show for it. Enjoy.

We are off to Guatemala for the weekend/ visa renew trip/ my birthday! Hope yall have a wonderful weekend. So much to catch up.

Coffee Thoughts

Sunday morning. I am sitting in my bed, drinking coffee, Hondurans do a few things well and one of them is coffee. Thank goodness for that. Tomorrow there is school, and there are lessons plans waiting to be made. All I want to do today is relax, maybe lay in the sun, read a book. I need to practice Spanish, I need to find a video to show my class about the stars.... I need I need I need. Instead I am going to choose to be right here in the present moment. And that moment is sitting in my bed, drinking coffee :) and it is good.

Yesterday was spent shopping in San Pedro Sula, we ate lunch at TGIF, "Fridays", definitely a treat and then the grocery store. You know you live in a small town in Honduras when you go to the grocery store in the big city to buy canned pumpkin, giant apples (all apples are imported and the ones in our town are not as good), nail polish, face wash, tooth paste, a candle, and liquid laundry detergent. All of these things are hard to come by in our small town so it was nice to get out for the day and pick up some things.

This morning is one of those moments when I am feeling a bit unmotivated and complacent. Maybe the long week and bad behavior of my kids is to blame but I am determined to make today a great day. Good news is my flight for Christmas was changed to leave here on the 16th! I am so excited. I was originally going to leave on the 20th (originally last day of school was the 17th) but we were told our last day of school is the 14th. My roommates are heading off to Nicaragua and Costa Rica for Christmas (England, south Africa are too far to travel) so not wanting to be home alone in our rinky dink awesome town my parents generously helped to change my flight.

Some things are weighing heavy on my heart today. I trust that God is good. I do, but sometimes things just do not match up. Others would say well you are not to figure it all out because that is why you trust him, but sometimes that doesn't work either. I want explanation. I want understanding. And well today I am frustrated.... and that is just how I feel :). In a older blog post I spoke about my friend Amy here. I did not write how I came to know about how Amy was sick and thought I should. I got in touch with Amy after ten years of no contact. (2002 we spent a summer in Florida at a Young life camp). Here is how it happened:

I am blog follower/ reader of a photographer in North Carolina. I read the blog and admire the pictures. One day this spring, I was reading the most recent blog post. In the post she wrote about her friend, Amy, who was sick with cancer but how she had chosen to live each day trusting that God is good and that he has her story written for her, although she is sick. In tears I read about this story. After reading I watched a short video clip that she posted of Amy and her daughter. I watched the video. Tears started to develop as the video showed Amy reading Dr. Seuss to her daughter and the music of Give Me Jesus  playing in the background. I then began recognize the face of Amy. I recognized her but could not place her. Her hair gone and Amy being very sick, I could not figure out how I would know her. The more I watched, tears began to flow. The story of Amy was no longer a sad story of a stranger but an old friend, a mentor, my leader, my bunkmate.

Amy is not doing well. She is worsening and she is need in of a miracle  So maybe praying is not your thing and maybe today or everyday is a day like I am having where things do not make sense and you too are frustrated because things just don't seem fair sometimes so you wonder if God is even there.  I ask that you maybe make an exception today and lift Amy and her family up in prayer.

"You can have the whole world but give me Jesus" Amy and her daughter two weeks at the Race for the Cure in Charlotte.

My last blog post I shared Aracely's story and will at sometime share of some of the other girls stories but I want to share some good things in this blog post. Friday evening Alison (mom to 13 girls) hosted all of the teachers for dinner. Her girls jumping on the porch as we pulled into the house, were so excited for us to arrive. The house decorated in Halloween (Halloween is not celebrated in Central America but Alison being from the States celebrates with her girls). Adorned with orange and black, skeletons  pumpkins, she went above and beyond to host us for dinner. The girls ran to us with candy, pictures, and gifts. A blog post is not going to quite capture our evening. We laughed, played with vampire teeth, climbed on the girls bunk beds, drew pictures, ate five cakes and sang Happy Birthday for Thomas. I don't think Thomas has ever had 13 orphans singing Happy Birthday to him before, but I am not sure there is any better way to spend a 24th Birthday.

After we ate, Aracely took me to her room to show me her bed and where she has her things. I noticed a shoe box. The shoe box was labeled with Operation Christmas Child. I asked Aracely if she was just given this box and she said "YES YES! They delivered them to us". She showed me the stickers, the notebook and the candy. She then said, "This is the candy I gave to Mrs. Sanchez!". Just then I realized the very things the girls gave us as we walked in the house, the candy, the gifts were all the things they had been given from Operation Christmas Child. The shoes boxes all of you and others have filled around the world, were given to these girls, who then gave something to me. They do not have much but they gave us all that they have. Hear me out when I say this, I am not giving anything or doing something great for these kids, they are the ones giving and teaching me. I have so much to learn.

Aracely with Mollys Glasses on. 

Ninjas, with scary teeth. 

From left, Dania (spelled wrong) 4th grade, Aracely 2nd grade, Michelle 3rd grade.

Precious

She kept being goofy.

Faye and the girls. 

May you too continue to learn and learn from kids, they teach us the most. I am going to eat some canned pumpkin... closest you get :) Warmest to you.

The Aracely Story.

Stories like this one are the stories you will never forget. Its a story that could be told a million times and you still cannot quite grasp the reality of it. Over a cup of coffee tonight I listened....

Aracely was two years old when her parents were threatening by their neighbors to call the police if they did not take Aracely to the hospital. Aracely was two years old with a 30 inch waste. She was severely malnourished. Her stomach so much enlarged and that you could not separate her legs from her stomach. Her body was full of parasites and she was very sick. Pale in the face, discolored hair. Sleeping on a dirt floor, with sticks as walls, she was fighting to stay alive. Aracely was taken from her home to an orphanage.

When Alison met Aracely with her big brown eyes she saw a child who had experienced more than any child should ever have at her age.....

The paperwork went through at the orphanage and Alison agreed to adopt Aracely. She got the call on Tuesday and she would have to wait until Saturday to take Aracely home with her. After phone calls to find a ride were unsuccessful she could not bear the thought of her sleeping one more night alone in the orphanage. She thought if I could get her and take her home right now then I am going too. So ALison got on a bus, rode three hours and picked up Aracely. A three hour bus ride home, Alison listened as Aracely struggled to breathe. Once they arrived at home she fed her spaghetti and Aracely could not swallow it down. Alison's neighbor, a physician, examined her immediately and insisted that Alison take Aracely straight to the hospital. In the hospital the doctors immediately took her in. After several failed attempts at an IV, Aracelys veins kept breaking because she was so malnourished. They inserted an IV amidst her screams through her foot. The doctors were outraged, screaming at Alison's,  asking why she had waited so long to bring Aracely to the hospital. Not only was Aracely malnourished she had a extreme pneumonia. The doctors informed Alison that had she not come in when she did, she would not have made it one more day. Alison overwhelmed sat down next to Aracely in the hospital bed, knowing that had she waited,  had she not gotten on the bus Aracely would not be alive.

Months passed and Aracely regained her strength. She was eating well and was growing. She joined a family of sisters, and had a mom that loved her well named Alison. They celebrated her walking for the first time and milestones that every child deserves to celebrate.

This past February Aracely now 8 years old, Alison got the call from the social worker that every adoptive mom would fear. Her parents went to court for custody of Aracely and won. They wanted her back home. In tears as her sisters watched, Alison drove Aracely back ot the wooden floor, to the home that she was without food. After many attempts of trying to explain why she should stay with Alison, Aracely's biological mom insisted that she wanted Aracely back.

Aracely not fully understanding, told her sisters, don't cry I will be back. Alison instructed Aracely to tell her biological parents every day, every second of every day that she wanted to go back home with Alison. Tell them that she did not want to live there. Aracely tried but her mom still insisted that she be at home with them.  Calling every day Alison prayed for peace amidst no understanding. Aracely's sisters cried in Aracely's bed, mourning her absence. On the phone one evening Aracely told Alison that she had to go to the bathroom in the field nearby and their were boys watching. She told her she did not want to be mean but she told her that she yelled at her biological mom, "Do not tell me what to do your not my mom!"  Alison heartbroken had decided that she would have to buy land in town so that they could move next door to Aracely to make sure she was taken care of. Aracely wanted to go home and Alison wanted her back.

A week passed and Alison's phone rang. The biological mom decided she could not handle Aracely and that she no longer wanted her. Alison immediately got in the car and drove Aracely back home with her.

Aracely eight years old now, is independent, strong, smart and beautiful. She sits in the front row of my class. My eyes will always fight back tears when I stare into her precious eyes.... her deep brown eyes like mine melt my heart.

***Alison lives in a town nearby and has adopted a total 13 girls. Her girls all have stories that would bring tears to your eyes. The majority of her girls are enrolled at our school, and three of her girls are in College. One of her girls is on scholarship to play soccer at a college in the US. Alison originally from Tennessee has been in Honduras for 8 years. She is a barely 30 year old woman who has compassion, and love in the most incredible way, She is mom to the most beautiful Honduran girls. Over coffee tonight she opened her heart about her girls and her life. Fighting back the tears, I will not forget.