Chemo Round 1- He is building a palace

I have not forgotten about all of you, or this place.... I have just been taking some time. To rest. To read and to lay down on my moms lap. These past few days have met with a different reality of my cancer journey..... both humbling and beautiful.

I have so much to catch you up on, but will start with Chemo Day 1, Tuesday.

Tuesday morning, I woke up early to take a shower and get ready. Knowing that this would probably be my only chemotherapy with my hair, I decided to curl it and get ready. Figured my spirits would be lifted if I took the time to get ready.  I put on my crazy patterned yoga pants, my comfy scarf, my smart wool socks and essential oils. My mom and I packed two big bags, filled with all sorts of things I thought I might want.... magazines, my book, gum, ginger chews (for nausea), dark chocolate, all of my essential oils, lotion, my Bernese mountain dog stuffed animal (since I am allergic my mom bought me a stuffed one), four blankets (gifted by you) and my head phones.

My mom and I went to breakfast at my favorite place by my house. Our spirits were good, we even picked out a cookie to have for later. With some anticipation we drove to the hospital. I was feeling ready. The day had come to check round one off and I was ready.

Upon arrival we waited quite some time to see my oncologist. After meeting with her, discussing last minute questions, what not to do, what to do, we were instructed to go into the infusion room and pick my seat. The room, much like the day before, was very crowded. I located a chair next to an older man sitting with who I assume was his daughter and wife. The chair I chose had enough room for chairs to sit around it, knowing that I would be having visitors.

I felt others eyes watching as I took a seat. Most onlookers assumed it would be my mom taking the seat, but it was me. My best friend and old roommate Chelsea met me and my mom and they sat at my side. 

A little background on how this works..... Once every three weeks, I will be going in for infusion. Both chemotherapy's will be administered at separate times to make sure I do not have a reaction to them. The first medicine I am given is the pre-medicines (anti-nausea, antibiotics). This takes about a half hour. The nurse then flushes my IV with saline and then administers the first chemotherapy. Taxotere was the first one that took about an hour and half. The other chemotherapy, Cytoxan, came next and took about an hour. I am not getting a temporary port placed, so I will be getting an IV to my hand every time for the chemo to be administered.

Once I was in my seat we waited as the nurse came by and introduced herself. She explained that she would be placing the IV in, so I turned my head the other way. I know full well what it feels like to have an IV in and I never look. Unfortunately, the water I had been drinking for the past twenty four hours did not help the nurse finding my vein. Once she inserted the needle, she moved it around looking for my vein and I looked at my mom and Chelsea knowing it was not going well. Why was she digging and poking? It hurt I thought. Chelsea rubbed my back and talked to me to keep me distracted. My eyes began to fill with water. I tired to stay calm knowing the nurse was trying her best but was quietly getting frustrated. She removed the needle and said she would try the other side. She said she would be getting a bucket of water to soak my arm to warm up my veins so that they would show up. I took a deep breath and began to cry. This was not the part I was dreading. This was the part I had done a hundred times over by now. For goodness sakes I gave myself shots for ten days on my own. This was not supposed to be the hard part. This was supposed to be easy.

After soaking my arm for twenty minutes or so, a different nurse came and was able to get the IV in on the first try. It was around 11:00 am and we were ready to start. All in all, administering the chemo took around four hours. I watched as others came and went, got their treatment and left. I watched as an older woman across from me went to and from the bathroom for what seemed like a hundred times. I assume she was getting sick. Thank goodness I handled this first round relatively well. Below a picture of me soaking my arm:

The first chemotherapy stung while it went it. I was given a heating pad and able to relieve some of the sting. The nurse adjusted the speed at which it dripped and the faster it went the more it stung. Although, I did not want to sit there all day I was fine with it taking a bit of time to avoid the sting. I am only allowed two visitors at a time so as Rachel and my colleague Katie came, my visitors rotated chairs. It made the time pass to have others sit with me. Before I knew it Rachel was next to me, we were talking and my IV machine started beeping. I was all done.

Upon leaving I started to feel strange. My mom commented that my face was very flushed and she could tell I did not feel good. I was not nauseous but rather feeling flu like symptoms. 

That is where I find myself today. Yesterday I started to hit the bottom. The fatigue, as I had been told is like a deep bone chill ache that is unlike a tired fatigue from a long day at work. I could not agree more. I had trouble getting comfortable yesterday and suffered from the chills. Afraid that I might have had a fever my mom went to get a thermometer. Thank goodness I do not have a fever. We did manage to get the strength to walk outside yesterday. We sat on a park bench so the sun could hit my face. I closed my eyes and rested in my moms lap. I will treasure that bench, that moment so very much.

I have been encouraged to exercise to reduce the fatigue and help move the chemotherapy in my body. Despite my desire to stay in bed, every day we have done something. Wednesday, we went to my gym where I climbed on the stairmaster, yesterday we walked the park and today I walked on the treadmill at the gym. After mild exercise I find myself back home crawling in my bed. Where I am right now. I have opted to not take any of the anti-nausea medication prescriptions pro-actively. I have chosen to take them as needed and at this point I have not taken any. (fingers crossed this stays that way).

Yesterday I commented that it is the first time in this journey that I truly feel sick. My body aches, my bones chill and my muscles are sore. Not a soreness that meets you after weight lifting or a day working in the yard but a deep rooted achiness, like you have the flu. I have not yet been nauseous but food is becoming difficult. Things do not taste the same and my mouth has a filmy, strange taste in it. 

Yesterday was a hard day, I laid in bed for six hours, read a book with my mom and laid on her lap. I have been told that my hair will start thinning around day 7 and begin to fall after that. My scalp is already sore.

My spirit today is quiet. I am looking around to see what God is doing in this and finding it difficult to see. How is he working in this? How is he resting my heart to draw him near? My predictions about what the next coming months will look like, is clouding my presence right now. I am trying to sit with the right now, praying I can do that.

I read an excerpt from C.S Lewis Mere Christianity and loved it so....


“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

As I am resting, trying not to fight the aches and pains, I pray I may lean to the promise that he is indeed building a palace. Taking up roots in me for good. For more. More than what my heart ever knew was possible before cancer. This palace he is building would never exist if it were not for cancer. If it were not for this story.

Hope this finds you well. I am truly humbled by all of your sweet messages regarding my goofy picture yesterday :) My mom and I are so glad to have them. I will share them soon.

Below are some pictures from this week.

Picking out our special treat before we headed to the hospital.

Our bags of things.... suitcases really.

Trying to smile before heading back to meet with my oncologist.

The view from my chair. The folks in front of me were sitting with the older gentleman to my left. A room full of IV drips.

I was one of the last few in the room towards the end of the day. I got really chilly so used all my blankets to wrap up.

You can see the Bernese Mountain Dog in my bag :)

Before Chemo selfie picture...

When I was finished with Rachel. You can tell my eyes have changed and I look tired.

Mom and I sitting on the bench yesterday in the sun. Thank goodness for warm January days.

Yesterday eating blueberries and reading the book, Love Does.

The Only Real Way to Live

Drinking Costa Rican coffee out a mug from Hong Kong...... This can only mean a few things.... my heart longs to be traveling again and I live with Erin Zimmerman.  (She went to High School in Hong Kong so our house adorns lovely things from there)

I was speaking with Matt Hohler two days ago and he reminded me that we were just a few days away from our year anniversary of arriving in Honduras. What a sweet reminder that is.....

You may ask what I have been up too since it has been a long time (20 days since I last posted) well lets just say a lot. Here is a mini recap.....

 For the past three weekends I was up in the Mountains (a common phrase we use in Colorado to reference getting out of the city). I spent a weekend in Silverthorne near Lake Dillon on a staff retreat (I am on staff in the Athletic Department at Colorado Christian University) Gearing up for our new school year and preparing our athletic coaches for what is to come. Following that weekend I drove back up to spend the weekend in Vail with my friends. Leaving on Friday we rented a condo for the weekend, laid by the pool, grilled out, stayed up late playing games, rode the gondola at sunset, spotted moose and went out on the town for one of our last summer hurrahs. A short four days after that,  I left with the entire Athletic Staff and Athletes to spend the weekend in Buena Vista for our Annual Athletes Retreat. The weekend marks the beginning of a new school year and gives athletes the opportunity to get to know each other and bond before their seasons start. It was a beautiful weekend.....

So alas this weekend... and at this very moment I am sitting on my porch. Taking this Friday off and drinking my coffee, just as the sky turns blue at 6:31 am this morning. As I mentioned before my 20 things list is slowly getting checked off and one of them is reading the book, 1000 Gifts, with my mom. In light of reading this book I thought I would list a few things I am grateful for these days...... (mom and I are going to finish and discuss when I am back in Kentucky next week eekkk)

Grateful for.......

• This front porch, with a creaky rod iron railing and two plastic chairs that are sat on more than any other piece of furniture in our house.
• For four hour old babies, that look at the world with eyes of wonder
• For a dear friend who was strong and brave and brought that sweet little girl, Story Rose,  into the world
• For friends who decide to run half marathons with you and encourage you on long training runs.
• For plane flights that are able to bring my best friend from 1st grade to Colorado in October for one whole week ....... oh and did I mention she is running the half marathon too (yay Christie Lee)
• For babies in offices that crawl all over the floor and wont sit still on your lap while you try and get work done
• For neighbors who move in next door, who you share life with, a glass of wine and a beer on a Thursday night
• For chalky hands after an intense crossfit workout, that always amazes me I complete
• For yoga communities that I will be joining 
• For photos of new houses from my sister and parents
• For short timelines (1 week till I am back in Kentucky)
• For the promise that living where you are the best you can is the only way to really live at all
• For celebrations of life commitments, Kylie my roommate from Honduras engaged to ShepGoggles (His instagram name I think is funny), Stephanie Riley best friend since middle school engaged to be wed in Guatemala...... So much to look forward to next year.
• For crispy cool mornings 
• Sunrises on runs over Washington park
• Newly mopped hardwood floors 
• Sharing stories about Honduras with others
• Keeping stories to myself inside and reliving them
• For water bottle holders that make it possible to bike with a bottle of wine in tow
• Tears that fall at inappropriate times that take me straight back to that place down South called Honduras
• For talented friends that create art with oil and paints to capture one of my favorite places in the world.

Buena Vista, Colorado Driving past Collegiate Peaks to get coffee in town

Painting of Lago De Yojoa done by the very talented Vinnie Harriety 

Biking to Washington Park with Wine for Jess's Birthday

Vail Racquet Club, Colorado with friends

Late Night training runs with Headlamps in the dark. 

Myself, Stephanie and her now Fiance (Last October when they came to visit in Honduras) 

Born August 15, 2013 at 10:31 Story Rose O'Rourke

Newly Engaged to be wed, Kylie (Rooms from Honduras) and her fiance Shep

My view yesterday morning running from my house....

"You sound, so American"

"You sound so American!" Faye said.... I quickly replied, "You sound so English." Yesterday morning I had the joy of skyping with my dear former roommate Faye. We played a quick game of catch up, decided we waited entirely way too long to speak and that we should speak more frequently. She is back home in England currently deciding between Mexico and the Dominican Republic for her next teaching job. While she is deciding her next adventure, I sipped my tea and in a few moments time got in my car to commute to my new job. All the while my heart longed too for such a grand adventure as she, living simply and loving on kids abroad again.......

But alas I started my new job. While most jobs during the first week would include long hours of training and boring introductory sessions, I can say mine was nothing of that. It was almost as though I walked right back into where things left off. I am on staff in the Athletic Department at Colorado Christian University, where I was formerly on student staff three years ago. It feels so good to be back in this office, back in the group of people I know quite well and in Colorado. My boss kindly told one of the baseball players who was giving me grief Tuesday, "Be nice to her, I waited four years to get her back." I smiled. I am so grateful for my job and for people that welcome me back with open arms.

As I have mentioned countless times before on my blog, I am in the process of completing my 20 things. I previously shared about my pie making but I can now partially check off #1 on my list. My mom and I have started reading the book, One Thousand Gifts. The book is an honest reflection on a "Dare to live Fully Right Where You Are." While I am driving to work my mom and I discuss the book. It has already proven to be a tremendous blessing. I am so glad I included this on my list of to dos.

One of my very favorite quotes from the book, I read just before I taught my first yoga class in Costa Rica....

"“Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing.... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”  ― Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

So while I am in no hurry for much of anything these days, I am soaking up every second of the day. Taking it as it comes and finding joy in even the most minute of things. I am grateful for a heart that remembers....... That smiles thinking about late nights dancing on the docks over the Caribbean ocean on the island of Utila during Semana Santa. (pictures below).

So Happy Friday to you today...... Here's to remembering and living through every moment..

As well my roommate made a video of our time in Honduras.... Click HERE TO WATCH.

Apple Pie Amazzzingness

I just got the sweetest message from our neighbor across the street...... "The apple pie was amazing. We haven't had apple pie that good in decades!"

So grateful for her kind words. If she only knew it was my first one too. I thought what better way to meet the neighbors, then offer them homemade apple pie. I am so glad that they enjoyed it. And even more flattered that they so kindly complimented it.

As for the Cherry Pie.....Unfortunately the oven after 20 minutes or so was acting funky so I had to take  the pie out.  Long story short, once the oven was good to go and I put the cherry pie back in the oven, the crust got soggy and gross so I had to dump it. (1/1 I will take it).

So that leaves now 3 pies left to do.... but it is less intimidating now, that my pie crust worked well. (Coconut Creme, Pumpkin, Pecan are left). So much fun, and even better to share.....

As for the rest of my weekend... This morning I woke up with no alarm clock..... made some tea and sat on the front porch eating my breakfast. I got a virtual tour of my sisters new house via computer and was able to see what an incredible job they have done. Thank you technology.

Shortly after throwing in a load of laundry, my roommate and I decided to go on a run..... Our half marathon training has begun, (much to my disgust), so we thought we would go for an easy 2 mile ish run. Running has proved to be a much harder adjustment for me living back at the mile high city. (lungs yikes). We got our music play lists all ready and took off, waving goodbye to our roommate as she and her boyfriend prepped for their bike ride. (I laughed at how active our house is before 10 am).

Erin and I ran to Wash Perk, a neighborhood coffee shop/community gathering place that has stacks of magazines, newspapers, pastries, gluten free goodies, homemade ice cream, watering station for dogs anything you could desire..... its one of my many happy places in Colorado. Erin and I read the paper sipped our drinks and walked back home with our drinks in hand.

I later spent my afternoon riding my bike to complete some errands (a self imposed no driving afternoon). The sun was out it was really nice.

While standing in the front yard tonight meeting my neighbors, a moment passed and it took me right back to Honduras. Their son, who I figured was about 8 or 9 years old road by me on his scooter. I took one look at his face and saw my class. While their kids rode around on their bikes I couldn't help but wish so deeply for just one day in my class again. Just a few minutes even.

So while I am enjoying being back in the States, transitioning as best I know how and soaking up each second reuniting with friends, my heart still longs for that crappy apartment/house that leaked, my roommates and drinking rum with powder mixers, and of course my rotten little class.

Here's to hopefully more successful pies in my future.... and soaking up the last bit of summer left. And never forgetting that place down South....

Preparing the Apple Pie... Recipe Here. Homemade Crust Here

Cheery above without the top crust layer. Below was it with the full crust laid across.

Erin and I before our morning run.

Colorado days...

What do you do when you don't have to work? and all your friends are working? The following:

I have watched Sense and Sensibility (fantastic movie...to quote the movie "my heart is and always will be yours") while drinking tea, painting my nails and laying on the couch while it rained. Watched another ESPN 30 for 30.....Gone to Yoga in the mornings for a class and in the evenings Crossfit. Mopped our floors, did laundry, cleaned out boxes, read my book and drank endless cups of green tea.  Slept in, got up early. Cleaned my car.  I have walked at Washington Park, rode my bike to REI, met for coffee with dear friends and grilled out on the back porch.I also have been lucky to spend some time with my cousin David and his wife Samantha who just moved to Denver. They as well brought my second cousin, puppy Frank :) (Fingers crossed I will get to be pet sitting him when they head out of town.) The sunsets in Colorado have been incredible and it feels so nice to be back here...... (although I dearly miss my class).

But my last day of "Summer Break" as some have said to me ends today. I am excited to announce that on Monday I will be joining the Athletic Staff at Colorado Christian University. I will be working alongside the Athletic Director as an assistant. I am so grateful for the opportunity and to be back in sports.

But before reality begins I think today I may spend the day baking.... I am working on completing more of my 20 things.... I will be attempting two homemade pies.... Cherry and Apple. (Wish me luck, pray for me and I will let you know if I am successful).

Me on our front porch....

Below is the list if this is your first time visiting :) (Back story of my twenty things here)

20 THINGS In year 25 

1. Read One Thousand Gifts. (with my mom, more fun to read when you have someone to share things with).

3. Complete the Whole30 Challenge (Again)

4. Run a half Marathon October 20, 2013. 

5. Surf in Costa Rica (Disclaimer I surfed in Nicaragua). Close :)
6. Make cookies for my neighbors and deliver them. 

7. Visit an Orphanage at least once a month (whether I am in Honduras or anywhere)

December 1, 2012 San Pedro Sula,   December 8, 2012 Pena Blanca,  January 28, 2013 Pena Blanca,   February 10, 2013 Pena Blanca,   March  22, 2013 Pena Blanca,  April 1, 2013 Pena Blanca ,  June 4, 2013 Pena Blanca, .................(note I am struggling to find an orphanage in Denver that allows visitors and guests)

8. Go camping. Real camping not car camping. 

9. Make homemade sushi

10. Have a dance party

11. Pray everyday before I go to sleep

12. Go on a weekend trip with my sister away. A city, or even in our hometown. Just she and I

13. Ride my road bike for a 100 mile ride

14. Read four Jane Austen Novels (Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park) (Finished two... half way there)

15. Complete 30 days straight of yoga. Completed in January/February of this year

16. Officially kick my diet coke habit (lasted about 60 days in Honduras, got to let this one go.... I have now not had diet coke in now three weeks, which may seem like a small feat but if you lived with me you would know that this is a big deal.

17.  Learn to make pie crust, and make five homemade pies (Apple, Pumpkin, Coconut Creme, Cherry, Pecan) TODAY????

18. Drive a convertible (no stipulation on what kind of convertible)

19. Minimize my things, shrink my storage unit in Colorado, get rid of things. This is happening on Saturday June 13, 2013

20. Go Fly Fishing with my Dad.

Perhaps another year........

2. Get scuba certified in Utila (Honduran Bay Islands)(Not so sure this will happen, I decided to not get certified over spring break, but opted to relax and read my book) perhaps in the future.)

Happy Friday to you. Love Kristina

Back home in Colorado....

My silence is long overdue. I will try not to bore you with too many details but a lot happened in the last week after landing back in the States. While sitting at the airport in Houston during my layover, I sat next to an older gentlemen who told me that he was a lawyer from New Orleans. He asked me what I did. I explained that I was just arriving back in the States after teaching in Central America for the past year. He being incredibly complimentary and kind, offered to buy me a drink as a way of saying thank you, for the time I spent the last year with my kids. As grateful as I was for the gesture, I told him that my last year, filled with adventure is just a small story compared to millions of people who daily invest in the lives of others just where they are......... I was just grateful that I got the opportunity.

Saturday morning I drove into the mountains with my college friend Rachel to restart my car in Winter Park (it was in storage.... by the way it started on first try). Driving into the mountains was one of the best feelings. You forget how beautiful they are.... Home sweet Colorado.

Saturday afternoon I  went to the airport to pick up my mom. (Yes you read this correctly) She flew in to help me get moved in and spend sometime together. We spent the afternoon at IKEA looking for a bed frame and ate dinner for the first of three times during the week, at Hacienda Colorado (best margaritas and Colorado Mexican food).

Sunday morning we started bright and early with a moving truck, three of my dear friends and my storage unit. I threw away bags of clothes, lamps and picture frames..... Another one of my 20 Things I can check off. It felt so nice to get rid of things and throw things out.

The rest of my week was spent between doctors appointments and a few trips to Target.

In addition to just soaking up, down time while not working, I have managed to eat at many of my favorite spots,  go on walks at Washington Park (not nearly enough times). Take my bike on a handful of rides and begin shopping around for Yoga Studios. It feels so nice to be back in an actual yoga studio with new teachers and new challenges. As well I joined a Cross fit gym. A former coworker of mine, after some encouraging told me it is something I would enjoy and that I should try it out. Well..... I did and now I am hooked. It should be interesting trying train for the half marathon in between trying to recover from crossfit. (if you are unsure of what cross fit is..... it is intense weight training/interval/pyscho workouts :))

I am back into my old college house (different room, same house). Back in the neighborhood near the Park, near some of my favorite restaurants and bike ride able to the farmers market.

While drinking coffee on the front porch Thursday morning a little girl came by selling wands. Magical wands she proceeded to tell me. For just one dollar, I can now turn anything into rainbows.... (awesome).

Life back in the States is bittersweet. Only small things have changed......there are new restaurants open, the highway is now eight lanes wide, more people are married, and others are now expecting their first babies. But for the most part it is just as I left it.......Life here is busy. Everyone seems to be in a hurry.

Sitting in church this morning I felt my heart begin to pull. It feels so strange. So stuffy. Commercialized. I was overwhelmed by the fancy coffee I was greeted with and healthy young people filling the pews. I overheard one couple sharing about last night at the Rockies game in their victory over the Cubs, and a little boy with crocs on and a Patagonia shirt climbing on his mom's lap. I found myself asking  myself..... what it meant to believe in the God of the whole world. I realized this morning of how quickly we place God in the West. In America. We put him in our music, our songs, around our necks, thank him for our new car, new house and our things....... but I couldn't stop asking myself, but what does it look like to believe in a God that reveals himself not in stuff or in America, but a God that loves the whole world. (I have no idea)

In all honesty I am feeling a bit like I do not belong. Like I have seen things and experienced things that just cannot be explained. I cannot articulate it, otherwise I would. All I can say is that my heart is a bit torn. Spread a bit further...... when looking in the eyes of a small boy I swelled up with tears. In his eyes I saw my entire class of twenty two and missed them dearly.....

So while I have enjoyed drinking Bloody Marys at the Cherry Cricket (one of my very favorite spots), working on my sun burnt Colorado shoulders, wearing heals again (I did not fall), getting lost in the liquor store overwhelmed by the microbrew options, laughing with my old roommate as we made laps around the farmers market sampling everything local and organic, rubbing on my best friends belly as we try and get her baby girl to kick my hand or curling up in my big comfy bed in my old house ..........

I still miss it. Honduras. Central America.

But, I think I better get used to missing it...... because for now I am home. Back home in Colorado.

Below are some pictures that I have taken this week. Hope all is well wherever you are.

Home

homesick for home.

for the first time i want to be there. like now. i want my comforts. i want my friends. my closet of my clothes. i want to smell clean. like really clean. not the honduran clean where I have showered yet all my clothes are not quite clean because our washer is broken "clean".I want the... I have showered, put on lotion, and perfume kind of clean. I want to eat food and not worry about getting sick. to sleep in a bed with comfy sheets and blankets. to not have bugs crawling on my floor. for dirt to not be on my feet every hour of every day. to not wake up at 6:30 am to be already sorting out second grade boys before 7;30 am. to not worry about putting on lotion so I do not attract more bugs to bite me.

I emailed my family friend today, that is kind enough to let me keep my car in their winter home while I am in Honduras. I emailed to check in. Not sure what I think this would achieve, given the fact that they are not even in Colorado at this moment or the fact that my car is not something that has feelings and or shows emotion. I suppose I just wanted to make sure it was ok. Is my car still there?

My things. I have not given to much thought about the things I do not have but today I miss things. My favorite pair of boots. My scarves. DVR and Fall TV. Curling my hair. Curling up on a couch. Football. Shoes. Wearing proper makeup. (not like here where I wear bare minimum because lets be honest it is too hot and sweaty and I certainly do not have anyone I am to impress).

Selfish maybe but today I just miss. I am tired of waking up to the rain. For it to rain all day. For it then to be hot and humid. Tired of feeling dirty. Sick of ants crawling up our walls. Tired of having to place toilet paper in a trash bin because the plumbing is bad. For wearing the same yellow polo, that I only have two of, four days a week. Taking a shower in our kitchen (this is where our shower is). Tired of it being a normal occurrence that the electricity and internet would be off.

The irony I am well aware of, is that come next summer, and I leave this place. These are the very things I will miss.

night world from honduras. week from saturday i turn 25. hard to believe.