Closing the book but never forgetting how the story went...

A blank blog post would be the most appropriate way to describe how I am feeling. Speechless. Speechless knowing that tomorrow I board a plane to head home to Denver.... without a return flight booked.

My emotions are at an all time high..... waves of joy, followed by thankfulness, tears of loss, bouts of laughter...... all pass as I begin to process what the past eleven months have been. I am so humbled.........

I have made a vow to myself that although this is coming to an end, this is a chapter that I can refer back too as often as I wish......

I catch myself trying to share stories about my kids and my travels. As though sharing them allows me to experience them again.....

Teaching my kids, singing songs standing on our chairs..... laughing just one more time at something they said. Or perhaps I am sharing about one of our family dinners, playing charades amongst bugs, mice and drinking wine out of plastic cups. I take myself to the ocean, floating on inner tubes during Semana Santa, next to Faye, Matt, Kylie and Shep drinking cold beer as the sun burned our shoulders...... or I take myself to the Orphanage where Arturo is running around like a little monkey. I laugh thinking about the power outages that led to long conversations and romantic song jukebox playing. I laugh about the many times our house flooded because of our washing machine. The sound of the barking dogs, the rain on the tin roof of our house, late night singing in our bedroom, surfing in Nicaragua, zip lining in Costa Rica, doing two hour ashtanga yoga practice every morning for the last month and the many places I have seen and the incredible transformation that has taken place in my heart.....

I am eternally grateful. Humbled and so thankful for the countless people that I met along this journey. My dear roommates Faye, Molly, Alison, Kate, Kylie and Rose. The greatest three boys who became like brothers Matt, Philip and Thomas. To the D and D Brewery family Lotte, Ramon, Jason and Bobby. My yoga family Amy, Burgundy, Mary, Lisa, Carolina, and countless others....

And to all of you......For reading. For writing. For your prayers. For celebrating with me. For laughing with me and For allowing me to share........ Thank You

I graduated this morning. I completed my 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training (Emphasis in Ashtanga/Hatha/Hot yoga). If at Christmas you would  have told me I would have done this I would not have believed you..... such wonderful surprises life brings us. 

For whatever the future holds it has so much to live up too..... but I am certain it will be good.

So here's to it Central America, Salud and Adios.

For giving me more than I ever gave you. For captivating my heart and making more into the person I want to be........

And to you Colorado.... I will see you tomorrow. Me and the Rockies have a very long overdue date.

As well Gloria (my mom) is coming to Colorado Saturday. Cannot wait to see her.

Letters to Leave

I am trying to keep my tears under wraps..... tears both of joy and sadness. How overwhelmed with gratitude I am. My chocolate cake is baked for my kids tomorrow and my things are down from my walls, all that is left is to shove my things in my backpack. The emotional roller coaster has begun..... Below are letters in my leaving... enjoy


Dear Saturday,

You seemed so far away... almost as though you would never ever come but alas you are here. I cannot exactly say that I am happy to see you. Don't be upset when I cry... it is merely because you are a day that represents the end of a chapter in my life. Yet you represent so much because you are the beginning of something new. Thank you for arriving.... I only hope I can soak up each second of you...

Love the girl who never ever thought you would come

_________________________________________

Dear Cinder Block/ Hand weights held up bed,

ADIOS.... But no seriously thank you.... Thank you for far surpassed my expectations. You made it! You still have 2 legs of your original 6... and well you managed to stay off the ground suspended by two eight pound hand weights, one large cinder block..... all so I did not have to sleep next to the rata-tones (rats), bugs and other rodents. Thanks for letting me rest my tired teacher head, honduran adventuring body and for providing a place to sleep over the last ten months. I think it is safe to say I may be the only person that gets to sleep on you and for that it makes me kind of happy.

Sincerely,
The body that laid on you over the last 10 months

_________________________________________

Dear Honduras,

You have earned yourself a place atop my list of the most special places in the world. At least in my heart you are. You have the beauty that surpasses some of the most photographed places in the world. You have people that find joy in the very things that matter the very most. You take my breath away with your mountains and the crystal blue coastline of the Caribbean yet bring me to tears over the heartbreak of the reality that comes with poverty and big brown eyes of a child left abandoned. Thank you seems childish to say... because if I was really honest thank you is simply not enough. You gave me ten months that both broke me down, made me laugh and made me smile like nothing in my life has done before. To say I will miss you is an understatement. I am afraid of how I am to live outside of here. Although you have way too many bug creatures and a never ending summer climate you are my normal now........ you made me more into the person I hope to be someday and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Love Me
_____________________________________

Dear Giant Rock in front of the Motorcycle Shop,

WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING SITTING THERE? Ok I know I was being careless and stupid going out late at night in the dark with my roommate in my pajamas to satisfy our craving but come on, you were in the middle of the sidewalk (Ok no sidewalks here) but I was walking, you were in the way and now my toe is busted. Didn't you know that next week I will start 28 days of being barefoot at yoga school and a sexy broken toe nail is not the way to introduce myself to my fellow classmates. Ok .....Your right, it is my fault. I forgive you. Just pray my toe heals. Thanks.

Love the Person who walked straight into you last night

_________________________________________

Dear God ( the greatest story teller ever),

I am in tears writing, because as always you are right. You always and have continued to have the very best plans. Thanks for bringing me here, thanks for breaking my heart so much it hurts to leave. Thanks for never settling to take me on adventures, and to promise that no matter what if I trust in you, you will write the greatest story in my life I could have never ever imagined up myself.

Love doubtful Me

Kylie on Honduras

                                                                     First Name: Kylie

Where you are from: Fayetteville, AR

Grade you taught: Second
Kylie Blog..... HERE

                        

I knew of Kylie before she arrived in January..... she was Matt's best friends girlfriend who lived in Arkansas. Matt predicted that Kylie and I would become good friends...... well.... Matt you were right. With no hesitation Kylie joined our family and fit right into place. (almost as though she had been here the whole time). She co-taught with me, the other second grade class and became my fellow roommate yogi. Kylie, thank you for loving your kids as much as you do, making me laugh, making the brownies,  movie watching and for all the memories.  I am so grateful that you came to Honduras even if it was only since January. As well it was so wonderful to meet your parents and your other half Shep.

Read Kylie's thoughts below on her time in Honduras.....

Looking back the one thing I will never forget about Honduras is, Josafat (pictured below)

The famous Josafat

The thing I will miss the most is, Josafat

What I learned while living here, How to love someone like a son.
My favorite thing I did while living in Honduras was Kayaking with Matt at 4 am in Omoa....
If I could pick one thing that if I had the option to change would have found buffet orchidea (in their new location) earlier :)

Picture taken at the D and D with a  visit from Kylie's parents and Matts parents in April. 

Matt on Honduras

I think Thomas said it best when describing Matt, "He is like a new puppy. So cute and so much fun. So hyper and excited about everything, but then he shi** (pardon my french) on your carpet (or breaks something in Matt's case) and it makes you so angry and frustrated. But then you look at him and you see the cute puppy and your not angry anymore."

Between our countless running dates, P90x sessions, yoga sessions, and adventures...... you could count on Matt for being a constant source of joy and lighting up the room with his personality. He truly became the brother I have never had. Matt, I love you a whole lot and when you move in with me in Colorado you can be rest assured more adventures are to come.... (Of course only after you move to Hawaii, bike across the US, work in the Dirty Dusk, work in Guatemala at the orphanage, be the new trail guide at the D and D, buy your vespa and be a bartender/waiter )****Ok Matt is not really moving to Colorado, just an idea..... (one of his many :)

Read Matts thoughts on Honduras below...... (or about my others roommates reflections Faye and Molly)

Matthew Hohler
From: Celeryville, Ohio (Sandusky, Ohio)
Taught: 7th and 8th grade

The one thing i will never forget about Honduras is the friends who became family. Living basically on top of each other for 9 months made us laugh, hate each other and love each other all within a 5 minute period. I will miss each of you more than anything.

While living in Honduras, I learned what it means to truly give to others. People like Sister. Maria, Allison, the women at the orphanage and many others have dedicated their lives to others. These people have changed my perspective on many things and have helped to make me a better person.

The thing I will miss the most about Honduras will be the ketchup, coffee, the view of the mountains, honey, pollo Rico's, Malcolm, Kylie, Philip, the D&D Brewery, josefat, Allison's girls, nights without electricity or water, Kristina, Allison, Rose, Molly, all my friends i made, faye, the sense of adventure daily, and the simplicity of life here. oh ya and thomas (lol).

If i could of changed one thing about this year, I would move the las vegas pizza shop to Peña Blanca. Everything else was placed in front of us to challenge us and help us grow, but not being able to get a decent pizza whenever I wanted was easily the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

No matter what is next for Matt I am certain God has great things in store for him.... I look forward to seeing what they are..... One of his favorite verses: Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Faye on Honduras

                                       

                                                                  Name:  Faye Morris
                                                              From:  London, England

                                                                 Taught:  1st Grade A

Our first night in our house together...  in our giant apartment/ house above the chinese restaurant we drank two beers and toasted to the ten months that laid before us. Now within a few days is the end of that ten months. Cheers to you Faye, for becoming not only one of my dearest friend but as well sharing your room with me. I will never forget you telling the story how your kids were instructed to draw a picture of something heavy, when you could not recognize the picture and you asked your student what they drew, your little first grader happily replied, "It's you miss!". I only hope one day my children have a teacher just like you. You will be an incredible teacher wherever you are. I so look forward to our New York trip reunion in our future (or visiting you in London) Love you!

Our house the first night....

Here below are Faye's thoughts about our time in Honduras. Enjoy!

Looking back the one thing I will never forget about Honduras is:  Just how beautiful this place is. A million times more beautiful than all the other countries in Central America (although I may be a little biased) but nobody comes here! It's easy to forget how beautiful it is but then something takes your breath away. I love how the mountains always look blue and you can always hear birds, any time of the day. I love how diverse it is, from the Bay Islands to the big cities, it never disappoints. Niether words nor photos can do this place justice."

My favorite thing I did while living in Honduras was: Rio Dulce Part One- there'e no better way to spend a day than getting drunk on boat in great company. Starting on the booze so early, the sun shining, everybody getting along, the pineapple juice, the coconuts, Livingstone, the hair braids, talking about the meaning of life with Matt in the sun, hot springs, breaking the boat, the spectacular sunset, margaritas, dancing, singing. Perfect day with the best of friends.

The thing I will miss the most is: Definitely my kids. Even when they've been horrendous I can't be mad for long because they're just too cute. 

Thanks for everything.... Love Kristina

Molly on Honduras

First Name: Molly (or Miss, I forget!)   
Where you are from: Hogwarts, England

Grade you taught: 3rd

                        

Molz as I often called her. Creative, crafty and always up for anything. I am so grateful that Molly was here for this year and happy to know my kids will be loved on by her next year. She will be their third grade teacher! (As well a Midlands trip is in my future)

Read below a few of Molly's thoughts on our time in Honduras.....

"Looking back the one thing I will never forget about Honduras is, How quickly and dramatically it shifted my priorities and outlook on life. I know that from now on I will be forever telling people about “when I lived in Honduras…”. And I will never get sick of sharing the stories (although I’m sure some will be sick of hearing them!)

"The thing I will miss the most isn’t a thing, but the people; most specifically the children. I spend my days at school teaching 48 fabulously exuberant kiddies, and even on the most testing of days, I still feel so blessed to have the little monkeys in my life. Then there are the kids from Cañaveral, the orphanage and Alison’s girls. They have all shaped my experience here, so I’m going to miss each of them terribly."

"If I were to sum up this past year in one word it would be: Transcendent (.....or unicorn if I’m being flippant)"

Love you lots Molly!

Roommate Special Posts

"I have a dream too, but it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. It's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And I found a whole group of friends who have the same dream, and that makes us sort of like a family."

--"The Muppet Movie" 

This weekend we went to Tela (the beach on the Caribbean coast). Our special place as I like to call it.  We spent our final weekend together relaxing on the beach, sharing meals and sun bathing. It is now storming outside (rainy season has officially begun) and we are all in our beds, exhausted.

Five days are left in school. On Saturday I will say goodbye. We are all departing at different times, others traveling for a few days before catching their flights near and far.

This week I will be posting a lot. A lot of reflections, thoughts, and final remarks. It is very hard to believe this is coming to an end.

In addition to my posts I will be sharing this week, there will be special posts that include reflections from some of my roommates. I asked everyone to answer the below questions. I read the answers on Friday night over dinner. I thought this would be a good way to share more about our time together. As well you have probably had enough of my ramblings: Below are the questions...

1. Looking back the one thing I will never forget about Honduras is:

2. My favorite thing I did while living in Honduras was:

3. The thing I will miss the most is:

4. What I learned while living here:

5. If I could pick one thing that if I had the option to change, it would have been..... (could be something that happened, where we lived, how we lived, what you taught? anything)

6. If I were to sum up this past year (or 5 months for Kylie and Rose) in one word it would be:

So to kick off these special posts read the first one featuring Molly here. Enjoy!

277 days....

What I crave at this very moment is piece of chocolate cake, paired with a latte sprinkled with cinnamon on top. Perhaps sitting in a comfy chair, surrounded by blankets, with my friends and family around. I would like the snow to be falling outside. Taking in each bite and soaking in every person around me as the blanket of snow fell outside.

Instead at this moment I sit inside a school, with a tin roof above my head, waiting the arrival of twenty two second graders. Waiting for them to run up the path with their book bags trailing behind, their hair gelled in perfect place, white shirts on. Boys in blue pants and girls in knee high white socks and braided hair. The sun is already shining brightly, proof of another hot and humid day ahead. The bugs land on my arm as I type and drink my coffee out of a plastic cup.

It is May 30, 2013. Exactly 277 days ago I arrived in Honduras to teach for one year. Today I sit waiting to begin my very last full day teaching. The remaining six days of school will finish at noon. And then next Saturday I will leave.

You can only imagine the emotional weight of this reality.

So in an effort to live out the words that I had placed above my bed. "Wherever you are be all there" I am going to try and be present today. Be here in this place. Soaking up each second, each smile, each tear, and every word that my kids say. When Caleb is out of his chair for the tenth time today, I hope I am able to be patient, and calmly ask he sit down. I want to laugh when they say something funny and not be frustrated when they speak out of turn. I just want to be here. No place else today.

How nice it would be to be in more than a few places at the same time in life. Be here to watch my little second graders grow up. See who they become in days and years to come.

How grateful I would be to be at home in Kentucky today, to stand alongside my very best friend from growing up as she says goodbye to her grandfather (who I too dearly loved).

But instead I am here. And I know that  in a few days time, I will be wishing I were back here again.

So I hope you too find that wherever you are, you know that you are exactly where God had you be today. I hope you too don't miss it. Don't miss why he had you where you are.

But instead "Wherever you are, be all there"

Four Letters to People....

I consider it a good rule for letter-writing to leave unmentioned what the recipient already knows, and instead tell him something new.  ~Sigmund Freud

I have been giving a lot of thought to my time in Honduras... the time that has passed and the very people that played a role in me coming in the first place. So here below are three special letters to people, enjoy:
___________________________________

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for never doubting my decision. For your support while your daughter yet again moved and quit her job. For looking me in my eyes with nothing but love. For  offering up anything you could, asking questions about this new adventure, for facetime dates and for making my welcome home at Christmas incredible. For knowing this was on my heart and encouraging me to go for it. I will be eternally grateful for your unwavering love and support for me to run after the things I love and that regardless of the outcome you are there right alongside me.

Love Bean
____________________________________

Dear Roommates,

You may very well get the biggest letter but I reckon you might get tired of reading, so I will try to be brief. You already know that you have become my sisters here. Thanks for drinking wine on a Monday night because we needed it, for teaching me englishisms (fancy, rubbish, swimming costume, fags), for putting up with my love to clean (your often disappearing cups that I have already washed),  for laughing with me about this place (animals in our house, the boys, continuous floods), dealing with my cabbage obsession, for being honest, for covering my classes when I was sick (way to many times in a row and when I went on holiday with my family), for sharing your food. Alison thank you for the popcorn. Faye thank you for being an expert bartender. Thanks for doing yoga with me, making sure I was not the only person that would complain about no water, freezing cold water, how hot the water was or our broken refrigerator. For laughing about the flooded house, the mice, the rubbish that never got picked up for our first month and the rainy cold November. For knowing exactly how I felt and empathizing. For often saying something to pick me up and not saying anything when you know that is what I needed most.

There is barely a memory that you were not apart of and for that I owe you the biggest thanks. Thanks for the laughs, the joy and you can be certain I will miss you dearly.

The original four, Alison (South Africa) Molly (England), Me, Faye (England)

 Me, Faye (England), Kate (Georgia), Molly (England), Alison (South Africa)

Rose (Georgia), Molly, Alison, Me//// Kylie (Arkansas), Me

____________________________________

Dear Ramon and Lot,

Thank you for always smiling when we walk to your counter at the D and D sometimes more than a handful of times in a week. For being friends that never complained about the many times we talked about school. Lotte for loving yoga and for all the many times that we practiced together, it was such a nice escape to come to your house and get away. 
You have made your way into the top of my list of favorite people I have ever met. Your selflessness, honesty, joy for life and compassion for people is unlike anyone I have met before. You will be surely missed. So look forward to seeing where you go in your future.

Love Kristina

______________________________________

To blog readers and followers,

Thank you for your support and love. For the countless comments, for reading, for laughing, for praying and for loving my kids as much as I do. I cannot tell you how much the notes mean, and knowing that someone else cares. For those of you that I did not know even read this thing, I am grateful you do. Sorry for the grammar mistakes and often rambling thoughts.... Hope you have enjoyed :) (Ps its not over yet) As well friends who have taken the time to facetime, or skype or play email pin pals thank you too!


Now on for my last Tuesday full of classes, next week is exams.... Love Me

See previous Letter posts here:

Letters December 

Letters January

Letters March

Letters April

Letters May

Love Letter to My Kids

Last Weekend in Our Town.

One last weekend in our town and how do we spend it? Together. (Next weekend we are going to the beach together for one last Tela beach weekend)

On Friday as the bell rang I walked Alison's first graders out to the buses (which meant we marched, walked with our hands on our heads, and I had them follow me around in circles). Something happens to kids when they get to second grade. They become so independent and rotten. Her first graders were so sweet. My kids run out the door at the bell.

It was beautiful Friday afternoon. Alison, Rose and I walked home from school. I was only home minutes before Matt decided that we should go back to school and steal the flat screen TV (we asked permission) so that we could watch movies this weekend. Never a dull moment around here. Speaking of excitement.........

The mouse has made an appearance every night this week. Thursday night he ran just past me as I tried to hit him with the broom. Needless to say I am a little bitter. I really did not want it to have to come down to this but poison is the only option left. We decided that we have a decadent mouse, so Kylie placed chocolate frosting on top of a banana (he likes bananas, he ate all four of Kylie's the other night). This morning.... the banana is gone and the pizza is gone (all poisoned). Sorry I am not sorry little mouse. Here is to hoping he died outside..... and he is not lying dead some place in our house. (Gross).

Saturday early morning we took a row boat out on the lake..... Matt has mastered the rowing... (much harder than it looks. A little sunburn never hurt anyone....

Alison and I walked home from the lake and stopped for smoothies at the coffee shop. Days like these are what I will miss the most. No agenda and no schedule to keep. As we walked home, we waved to kids running outside, soaked in the sun beaming from up above and admired Santa Barbara Mountain that was crystal clear above us..... As we made our way into town Alison and I talked about leaving..... About all that we have waiting for us and all the worry we often do. Every time God never fails. Things always work out as they should, yet we can never seem to trust the process or be patient in the waiting. For all of us, the reality that waits for us after this is a lot of unknown.... but one thing Alison and I agreed on is that the worry helps nothing...

The rest of the day the others finished a puzzle on our kitchen table and I rested up (fighting off a sore throat). Today I am going into the city (San Pedro Sula) with Alison and Molly to go shopping. I need a few things for my upcoming travels....

Two weeks left.... Two weeks from today I am on a bus to Nicaragua then on down to Costa Rica. Below is short timeline of what I will be up too:

• A. Saturday June 8, 2013 Leave Pena Blanca (our house) for Tegucigalpa. Stay one night.
• B. Sunday June 9, 2013 Depart Tegucigalpa, Honduras for Managua, Nicaragua. Arrive in Managua that night. (stay in hostel)
• C. Monday June 10, 2013 Depart Managua, Nicaragua for San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua. Arrive in the early morning. 
• Monday June 10, Tuesday June 11, Wednesday June 12 spent in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua. (stay in hostel)
• D. Thursday June 13, 2013 Bus to San Jose Costa Rica. Arrive late afternoon. (stay in hostel)
• Friday June 14, 2013 San Jose, Costa Rica Yoga School Starts today until July 12, 2013