Closing the book but never forgetting how the story went...

A blank blog post would be the most appropriate way to describe how I am feeling. Speechless. Speechless knowing that tomorrow I board a plane to head home to Denver.... without a return flight booked.

My emotions are at an all time high..... waves of joy, followed by thankfulness, tears of loss, bouts of laughter...... all pass as I begin to process what the past eleven months have been. I am so humbled.........

I have made a vow to myself that although this is coming to an end, this is a chapter that I can refer back too as often as I wish......

I catch myself trying to share stories about my kids and my travels. As though sharing them allows me to experience them again.....

Teaching my kids, singing songs standing on our chairs..... laughing just one more time at something they said. Or perhaps I am sharing about one of our family dinners, playing charades amongst bugs, mice and drinking wine out of plastic cups. I take myself to the ocean, floating on inner tubes during Semana Santa, next to Faye, Matt, Kylie and Shep drinking cold beer as the sun burned our shoulders...... or I take myself to the Orphanage where Arturo is running around like a little monkey. I laugh thinking about the power outages that led to long conversations and romantic song jukebox playing. I laugh about the many times our house flooded because of our washing machine. The sound of the barking dogs, the rain on the tin roof of our house, late night singing in our bedroom, surfing in Nicaragua, zip lining in Costa Rica, doing two hour ashtanga yoga practice every morning for the last month and the many places I have seen and the incredible transformation that has taken place in my heart.....

I am eternally grateful. Humbled and so thankful for the countless people that I met along this journey. My dear roommates Faye, Molly, Alison, Kate, Kylie and Rose. The greatest three boys who became like brothers Matt, Philip and Thomas. To the D and D Brewery family Lotte, Ramon, Jason and Bobby. My yoga family Amy, Burgundy, Mary, Lisa, Carolina, and countless others....

And to all of you......For reading. For writing. For your prayers. For celebrating with me. For laughing with me and For allowing me to share........ Thank You

I graduated this morning. I completed my 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training (Emphasis in Ashtanga/Hatha/Hot yoga). If at Christmas you would  have told me I would have done this I would not have believed you..... such wonderful surprises life brings us. 

For whatever the future holds it has so much to live up too..... but I am certain it will be good.

So here's to it Central America, Salud and Adios.

For giving me more than I ever gave you. For captivating my heart and making more into the person I want to be........

And to you Colorado.... I will see you tomorrow. Me and the Rockies have a very long overdue date.

As well Gloria (my mom) is coming to Colorado Saturday. Cannot wait to see her.

Letters to things July

Things are a bit nutty around here. Tomorrow I teach my yoga practicum, 25 minute class for the first time and Wednesday we sit for our final exam (three hour exam). Thursday we have graduation (assuming I pass) and Friday morning I fly to Colorado. (Excited). Saturday I  am going to pick up my car from Winter Park and Sunday I move into my old/ new house. So ......... I may be a bit quiet on here......

For now I am soaking up my last few days in Costa Rica and Central America while trying to digest the last eleven months..... But for now here are some letters to some special things... as I get ready to go home.

_________________________________________________

To Zip Lining,

I knew climbing in the trees, zipping over huge waterfalls and giant cliffs would be exhilarating but you were more than that. You were awesome. I have not in a long time felt so limitless. It was beautiful, breathtaking, stunning and just a lot of fun. Proof is in the photos... (Ps all nine of us girls did it together, it was a blast, even when it started raining).

Best view of the line below over the waterfall.....

_____________________________________________________________

Dear July 4th Holiday,

Yes I know, last year Munich now this year Costa Rica.....I promise that although I have not celebrated you in the States for now two years in a row.....You have not been forgotten. This fourth I had the joy of driving across Costa Rica towards the Volcano Arenal with nine of my fellow yogis. We laughed, danced, ate junk food, dodged pot holes, climbed hills and drove in the dark and toasted to your honor when we arrived at our hostel that night.

Thanks for reminding me of where I am from and being a wonderful place to return home too
Cheers from this Traveling American
_____________________________________________________________

Dear Yoga Teacher Training,

You are Emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting.... but so good... I know that the end is near, but the exam and practicum that I still must do are the giant elephants in the room. I have to study ( a lot) before I can officially say I graduated and completed Teacher Training. I am looking forward to hopefully teaching in Colorado and getting deeper into my own practice. I can flip backwards now, go straight into headstand and am so close to forearm stand. More than anything though I have learned the value of taking time for yourself, taking deep breaths and living in the moment..... greatest lessons of all.

So glad I did this
From A New Yoga teacher

_________________________________________

Dear Passport,

I did not realize how valuable you were until you were gone. I am so glad that the hotel remembered that they took you from me. I thought I was loosing it. So if all goes as planned I will be reunited with you in two hours time. Remember that you are my only way to go home, so you are VERY IMPORTANT. Your copy I have, US government says is not good enough. 

So here's to having you in my hands soon
Your owner Kristina
_____________________________________________________________

Dear Last 11 months,

Deep Breaths. It is over on Friday and I am in awe. Awe of what I have learned, what I have seen, the stamps in my passports, the laughter, the friendships, my global family, the tears and the deep rooted life changes that have occurred. You have far surpassed my even wildest expectations...... gave me more, stretched me more and for that I am deeply deeply grateful. Thanks for not disappointing, for challenging me and for making me feel more alive than I ever have been before.

love me

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Family,

Thanks for everything. For your words, for your unwavering love no matter what. I cannot wait to see you all soon.

Love Kristina

See previous Letter posts here:

Letters December 

Letters January

Letters March

Letters April

Letters May

Love Letter to My Kids

If I cannot stay then simply take me home

Today during one of our lectures, Amy told me that I had ADD. (I could not sit still). I laughed then smiled and then pouted. I am restless. My mind is racing. I find myself waking up at night making lists of to dos in my brain. At the same time on the other side of my brain I am repeating yoga poses, inhale and exhale.

What has my life come to?

One year ago Friday, July 4, 2012, I was boarding a plane to meet my friends in Munich, Germany to travel for ten days. Just the day before, July 3, 2012 I resigned from my job knowing that I would be moving to Honduras. And now in  10 days I will be moving back to the States. Leaving this beloved region of the world that has captivated my heart and soul.

Today I sit in the crispy cool mountain air of the mountains of Costa Rica feeling tired, sore and finished. Ready for that next thing to come. Time as I am aware should never be wished away........ but if I cannot stay then simply take me home.

My parents are sending pictures of their newly built home. My sister at this moment is probably rearranging the shelves in her and her husbands very first home. A dear friend in Colorado is nearly eight months pregnant with a precious baby girl.

So yes today I am ready to be there.

I am closing the chapter on one of the greatest adventures I have ever embarked on. Stories to tell for the rest of my life. Travels, that now feel as though they did not even happen. A new pair of eyes that look at the world with wonder and amazement. And ears that are quicker to listen and a mouth that is slower to speak. A heart that trusts God more today than it ever has before. A mind that is restless. And a me that is a bit nervous, anxious and still a bit heartbroken......

"The best stories share common elements, weaving a tale with rich metaphor, mounting tension, character growth, plot momentum and slowing, sweet resolve. Any story you’ve ever loved is good simply because the storyteller paid attention to these elements and put immense work into drawing them out." (source)

I can only hope that I pay attention to the story that God is writing for me.

Central American Sunday.....

When sharing about my last year to a lady at dinner last evening she kindly asked......"Why are you going back to the States? Why did you leave?" She asked me. "I can tell in the way you speak that you are so passionate and you are so grateful for your time there."

 I smiled. Took a big deep breath. "Well........"

I explained, came up with a handful of reasons but proudly said I am excited to be back close to family, friends and back in the mountains. (this is the truth).

I am humbled at her kind words and grateful that sharing my story articulates my very feelings. Becuase  my time in Honduras changed me for the best. I have absolutely no regrets about going and or leaving my job to do so. Funny how I thought I would miss out on all of these things while I was in Honduras and now I feel as though had I not gone I would have missed out on that much more.....

Truth is now I am going home..... Less than two weeks now. How far away this time seemed and now it is here. So this morning while every muscle in my body was screaming at me and my body ached, I took mind to Colorado....... Walking at Washington Park, Broncos football season, A margarita at Lolas, a cold summer night at a Rockies baseball game, Sunday church at DCC, watching the sunset over the top of the mountains, seeing friends, celebrating Megs baby, Heading to Kentucky over Labor Day.......... (time sometimes cannot move quick enough).

How lucky I am to have something to look forward too..... and "something that makes saying goodbye so hard."(Dr. Seuss)

I have not spoken much about the women that I am doing my teacher training with here but I really should. First let me say that they are some of the most generous, kind, honest, broken, beautiful women I have ever met.  We range in age from 20 to 62 years of age. Students, parents, step parents, single, married, widowed, divorced, dating, business executives, artists, yogis but mostly just women. There are many times that it can be a bit overwhelming to be with 22 women for so many days straight but at the same time is a tremendous encouragement. We sweat. We cry. We laugh. We share stories. We complain. We work hard. We study all amidst the rain forest of Costa Rica.  They all have incredible stories, many different reasons why they are attending a yoga teacher training but we all share a love of getting sweaty doing yoga......

It is now Sunday. Hope you have a great day. I am feeling a bit fatigued but the show goes on...... my pants fit tighter than ever (muscle I surely hope). My tan is fading (being inside all day doing yoga).  But I am learning about myself and soaking up my last two weeks of Central American sun.... Cheers to you.

Holding Hands

Wednesday evening while in meditation we were asked to look at our hands. To examine the lines along our hands, to ask what story your hand tells? Ponder where it has been? What has it done?

I will admit that I find mediation very difficult to do. I find it hard to keep my thoughts and emotions from being detached from the very things that cross my mind throughout the time ( the idea is to let thoughts pass and keep from having an emotional connection to them).

However, I find that meditation can be a very powerful healthy thing. It is proven that if we slow down our breath we minimize the oxygen to our brain which then causes our brain to slow down. As a result our thoughts slow down. Thus we naturally relax and calm down. Hence why people often say when you are in a stressful situation or anxious you are told to take deep breaths.... Needless to say I am taking a lot of deep breaths these days... (wonderful thing).

Two weeks from today I will land in Denver, Colorado. After almost one year ago this time I quit my job and decided to move to Central America. Now one year later I am flying home..... my home in the Rockies.

My family is in Kentucky. My sister and her husband bought their first house this week. My parents are in the process of building their new house (Wish I could be in two places at once)........ Someday I presume I will call Kentucky home too but for now I cannot wait to see the snow capped mountains, and the sunny blue skies of Colorado.

As I stared at my hands during meditation my immediate thought was of all the places my hand has traveled in the last year. All the places it has touched in the last year. The many hands it has held. The sweet faces of my kids that my hand brushed alongside. The many coffee mugs my hand has held. The cold mug of a beer in Munich last summer with my very best friend traveling in Europe. The glasses of champagne my hand held near to my lips as we sipped on our train ride through Italy. Brushing my hand along the fabrics at the market in Guatemala over Thanksgiving. My hand curled up inside my coat while it snowed in Kentucky over Christmas. Clapping my hands together as I cheered loud while watching my very favorite basketball team beat the basketball team from down in Lexington. Holding on to the railing of the boat while whale watching in Cabo San Lucas with my family. Wrapping my fingers around the small hands of the children in the orphanage. My hand digging in the sand of the Caribbean during Semana Santa and many beach weekends. The countless red pens my hand has held grading the school work of my second graders. And now the many times my hand has held my body up while practicing yoga these past two weeks...... what an incredible and wonderful year I have been given. And how grateful I am that I have hands to touch and feel it all.....

I love this quote below..... The simple act of holding a hand is something not to be taken for granted. For it is with our hands we are able to do and experience so much. Such a wonderfully special thing.

"We were walking through Hyde Park going nowhere in particular, holding hands for a bit, then letting go as if holding hands wasn't one of life's big deals."

More truth about yoga school

I am almost two weeks into my yoga teacher training. I am getting in the routine more and have given more thought about the fact that I will be moving back to Denver in two and half weeks. (excited!) (As well the Rockies season is in full swing and the Broncos are just behind that).

My thoughts on my time here are a bit mixed. I love it one second, I hate it the next. It is hard...... but overall it has been really fun. I must admit this has taught me more in the last two weeks then I think I learned in many of my months at University....... Below are a few of more truths about yoga school. Enjoy:

• Your sweaty.... like all the time. I now shower twice a day. (I am going to try to minimize it to just once but it is nearly impossible.) Sweat dripping from your forehead onto your mat, the floor around you, on the person next to you. Its really wonderful experience. (kidding kind of gross).
• You change clothes all the time... I go from yoga clothes to more yoga clothes to then maybe a sweatshirt over my yoga clothes till I have nothing left to wear.
• Sleep is incredible.... I can assure you that if you are in class nearly from 6 to 9 every day with breaks for meals.....all while practicing four hours of yoga ..... you sleep like a baby. So might I recommend, that if you have trouble sleeping... give yoga a try, I promise you will sleep real good.
• It is a bit like summer camp.... Put 22 women at a resort for 28 days straight. We eat, do yoga sleep and study together.  It is every bit of late night sneaking in junk food, to sharing clothes, to sleepovers..... no matter what the age some things will never change.
• Chocolate is hard to come by........ The only complaint about our resort food.... Where is all the chocolate?????..... It was non-existent until we find out that Milka (German chocolate) is sold just down the street at the local grocery store and we all stocked up. All of us seemed to crave chocolate after doing two hours of yoga. Some of the girls as well bought bags of chips and cookies... to satisfy cravings after eating all natural, fresh food and a practically all vegetarian diet for now almost two weeks straight.
• I am not flexible.... before I came here I considered myself a flexible person. Someone who was capable of putting my head between my legs easily. I could place my hands around my feet in a forward fold. While those things are still true.... I have learned that I have such a limited range of motion in my hips. I am working on opening up my hips more.... and working every day but there are some ladies (no matter what the age) and my goodness they are bendy. I was asked today if I was a biker, and I said yes. She then explained that because my legs are used to going in the forward motion and not turning out this is why I do not have the fleibility in my hips....So hip openers are on my new agenda.
• An ego is not welcome here..... getting competitive in this only makes your practice worse. The very best yogis flow in and out of posture and recognize their own limitations and flexibility. The goal is not to compromise the integrity of the pose by folding in on your muscles or dipping in your back. But rather extending long and stretching  So while I would love to do many things... Rome was not built in a day so I have a ways to go. 
• Anatomy...... anatomy anatomy anatomy.. While I am very much enjoying learning about what all of the funky bones and muscles are in my body and being able to identify exactly what hurts, this stuff is really complex and very difficult. I have a new appreciation for the doctor now. For example when I want then to just tell me what is wrong, I now understand why..... There is a lot going on in there.
• 6 Pack is far away....... So yes this was news to me. Did you know that your six pack sits under two layers of abdominal muscles...??? Me either. So now I am using that as my excuse for why you cannot see mine and why they are so hard to get to show... They are far under there. I rest my case.

Well I must get going.. my breakfast break is finished. But I had a breakthrough this morning... I can now go from headstand into the half fold. (Victory). More yoga move breakthroughs later... Happy Hump day (Wednesday).

You Are Someone Because You are Simply You

As I have previously written, I am currently in a 28 day intensive yoga teacher training tin Costa Rica. Which leads to a lot of time spent in meditation, reflection, laying hot and sweaty on a mat thinking..... mind wandering (which I seem to be very good at).

I have come to realize over the last year that so much of our identity and value is defined by the titles we have been given in our culture..... for example: I am a daughter, I am mother, I am homeowner, I am parent, I am teacher, I am a business executive, I am a yoga teacher, I am a stay at home parent, I am a professional athlete, I am married, I am single, I am a diabetic, I am divorced, I am sick, I am paraplegic, I am writer, I am a student, I am a teenager, I am a grandparent........ or recently realized how much people proclaim, I am an American, I am a Southerner, I am a Texan, I am a conservative, I am a liberal

What I found most profound is that this identification and unofficial caste system we have applied to one another is something man has done to one another. No place in the bible do we see that the scripture reads that we are worthy of value because of what we do, our marital status or  our job title.......

I have realized for the very first time that I am loved and admired simply because I am.

You and I are called worthy of respect for simply being.

You and I matter regardless of what we do today or tomorrow.

You and I are valued no matter of the choices we make today and the choices we make tomorrow.

You are worthy because you are a child of the most high King. A God that loves everyone equal.

Nothing you do or nothing you don't do, can change the truth that you have been gifted that.

He is good so therefore we as his children are good and worthy of all the respect and love.

Perhaps this is resonating with me right now because I am learning to love myself right where I am at. In the midst of the transition, the time of being title less ...... you could say I am jobless, I am single,  I am a traveler yet I have to ask myself what does any of that mean?

I want to put those to the side and just say that I am. And That, I am is good. Just where I am.

So on this Monday morning I hope that you know you are worthy of value for being present in the now, not because of something you accomplished yesterday or the plans you hope for in the future.

What a beautifully freeing thing. You are loved simply becuase you are you.

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.

I have called you by name; you are mine.”

Isaiah 43:1

Yoga Q&A 101

Long overdue post about me going to yoga teacher training and my yoga love......

A little background, about two years ago I bought a groupon with a friend for a hot yoga studio in Denver that gave me 30 days unlimited at the studio for $45.00. If you take hot yoga regularly you know it is expensive so this was a steal. I had taken regular yoga classes at the 24 hr gym in Denver but never tried hot.

Welp long story short, I went to a class and then went the next day and then the next day and the next..... I was hooked. So I signed up for the full price and continued it until I moved to Hondy. I love the benefits of yoga, using my body as a weight, constantly being challenged, the relaxation, and a good sweat session (sorry tmi). So this now lead me to spread my yogi love to my roommates here, my family and friends. My mom and I took a class over Christmas in Louisville at Betsys Hot Yoga and took a class in Cabo on the beach..... I take full advantage anywhere I go with a chance to do yoga and look forward to teaching soon.

Some of you may have some questions so I thought I would answer them this way about Costa Rica....

• When is it?
• Starts June 15, 2013 ends on July 11, 2013
• Where is it?
• It is held at the Pura Vida Spa. This is a eight acre mountainside estate in the Alajuela province of Costa Rica. It is about 45 minutes from San Jose.
• Where do you sleep?
• I will share a bungalow/ tent room with another person who is as well in the training. They have two queen size beds, they are luxury sort of looking huts.... Shall see when I get there.
• Do you know anyone?
• Nope :) And that is ok. Excited to meet others from all over the world participating.
• What do you learn?
• Ashtanga Vinyasa method. A series of  70+ asana (poses). I will learn all the names,  opening/closing chants, principles of synchronization of breath corresponding to each posture. This type of practice is about the flow of the movements and can often be thought as more high intense than meditative. Although I believe yoga has incredible benefits for meditation. Hot Yoga will be taught s well as  Vinyasa Flow, Yin, Gentle and Restorative Yoga will be learned, and some prenatal yoga as well.
• What will you be able to do after you are complete?
• I will be 200 HR Yoga Alliance certified. My hope is to get connected in a studio to start teaching Vinyasa Flow classes and or Hot yoga classes. I am open to a lot of things, would love to teach kids, maybe at schools, and or in the corporate world in workshops. Who knows? One on one personal classes, options are endless, but really just start teaching.
• What does you training include?
• All classes, lodging and a three meal a day vegetarian diet. This is set up as well to be a retreat/ detox for the time I am there. (So excited for this part!)
• How many people are there?
• Not sure, in the past they have had around 16 people or so and then two teachers. SO it is very small and intimate to learn a whole bunch.
• How long is it?
• 28 days....6 days practice and training, 1 day rest. 
• How will you get there?
• I am going to take a bus from San Pedro Sula, Honduras to Managua, Nicaragua. I will stay overnight or maybe a few days in Nicaragua to then catch another bus to San Jose, Costa Rica. 
• When are you flying back to the States?
• The mystery question. At this time I do not have a flight booked. Scary? :) I don't think so. I looked at flights and lucky for me it is much much much cheaper to fly from San Jose, Costa Rica to Denver than from San Pedro Sula, Honduras to Denver. It is not that surprising seeing that so many people are going to Costa Rica and nobody seems all that enthused with Honduras. (disclaimer Costa Ricas economic stability and tourism boom is to blame, Honduras just has lots of work to do). 

All of this to say. I am beyond excited and nervous. I have no idea what to expect, and I already made a joke to my roommates who goes to yoga teacher training without being able to master a Pincha Mayurasana????  Welp that would be me.

I am a bit intimidated by other yogis who seem to be able to do all sorts of inversions and things that I cannot.  I am working on it, still practicing a bunch but it is certainly a work in progress. As well if you have ever taken a class  you know that a lot of poses have complicated names too...... yikes! Cheers to trying to pronounce them all.

Here is a Pincha Mayurasana in case you were wondering :

So to all of you who have never done yoga, think its weird, hard and or are indifferent. I can assure you will not be disappointed if you give it a try.

You may have noticed as well that I am flying to Denver.... That is because my things are locked up in a storage box and my car in a house in the mountains... Remember me unhooking my battery before I left here. I am going to hang out with friends, visit my very favorite places, hopefully play in the mountains and then get my things together to move.......... (yikes)

Alright cheers to friday yall. Enjoy your weekend. I have lots of posting. I have not forgotten to post about my kiddos either. Just waiting to organize the pictures of them :)

Warmest
Kristina

Home Again. Yoga School Pura Vida Costa Rica!?!

I am home. Honduras home again. The next time I board a plane I will be heading to the States for good. In many ways I look forward to that day in July but in so many more ways, it feels really good to be home in Honduras. After waiting a few moments for my taxi at the airport this afternoon, I heard my name called from across the airport.  After confirming that the voice was in fact trying to get my attention, I recognized friends of mine. (they were dropping someone off at the airport). 

It is so nice to call this place home and even more special to have someone call my name just as I landed.

Today Colorado is a blanket of white snowy goodness.... snow that makes it impossible to leave your house and as my friends used to say, it is "hunker down" weather. Where you hunker down in the house, with good food, wine, lots of movies and good company. My old house in Washington Park was a place that holds so many memories of these kind of days. Days when we would have snowball fights that proceeded through our front door, walking to Starbucks up the road through feet of snow, or walking to see if the bar up the road was still open. I miss this more than you know. I have envy at every picture someone posts of the inches that have accumulated on porches, posts about flights cancelled, and the ski slopes that are filled with fresh powder. I received an email from a friend, that said, "I am in Beaver Creek and its dumping!" What this girl would give to snap my fingers and be there right now. 

But tonight I am back in my bed in Pena Blanca... and my kids will be waiting for me tomorrow. I spent the afternoon doing yoga with my roommates in the every increasing temperate of our room, unpacked my things and bought fruit and vegetables for the week. Looking back on the previous week with my family in Cabo San Lucas I have decided it will most certainly be one of the most treasured trips we have ever taken. Not to bore you with a giant recap, just know that lots of sun, lots of coffee, lots of bloody Marys, beach yoga, yummy dinners, euchre, whale watching for the pacific life commercial, massages, facials including dad, our own pool, margaritas ..... but best of all seven days with my parents, my sister and her husband. (even extended when Josh and Britt got to stay till Sunday in Houston).

As for other news, I am beyond excited to announce that I am attending yoga teacher training in Costa Rica following the end of the school year. For 28 days I will be attending an intensive teacher training to be certified to teach Ashtanga Vinyasa and Hot Yoga. More details I will share later but after lots of research I found this to be a perfect fit for the type of yoga I want to teach and what better location than Costa Rica..... So from June 15- July 11 I will be in yoga school (Sounds funny).

Hello Textbooks.... more on there way. more fun doctor school i think :)

Night yall..... staying up later than planned. My roommate came running in to give me a hug at my bed. Feels good to be here, inspite of all the other places I wish could be too.....

I like this quote below..... Charles Spurgeon is good for that....

"There are no measures which can set forth the immeasurable greatness of Jehovah, who is goodness itself... Notes of exclamation suit us when words of explanation are of no avail. If we cannot measure we can marvel; and though we may not calculate with accuracy, we can adore with fervency." Charles Spurgeon