Or so I thought I did....
It is with a very heavy heart that I am posting at this moment. Last evening I was sitting eating my dinner reading facebook updates on my phone. Skimming across the latest updates of those near and far away while mindlessly eating..... scanning away at others pictures and the photo of a friend appeared with a caption. The caption stated "You will be missed. Rest in Peace."
Stunned and shocked I began a frantic search to disprove this photo. As my efforts only confirmed the tragic news, tears began to fall from my face....But how could it be I thought? I just talked to him last Wednesday. We just talked about how I am moving back to Denver. He asked me when? I told him July and he said I should come back sooner. We had just joked about last August when we met. But how could it be true? Its not possible, it must have been a mistake? I thought it must be a mistake and so deeply deeply I wish this were to be true......
Tears have nearly streamed my face for the entire day with the exception of the time i spent with my roommates who shared coffee and yoga for the afternoon. I am going to sleep tonight counting my stars, my blessings and grateful that tommorow is the day that my mom lands in Honduras.
Today in my class, I prayed before my kids left to go home for the day. I do not do this normallay but today I felt compelled. Compelled to give thanks, to ask for the Lords blessing over my kids and those near and dear to me. But most importantly for Justin's family. I am sad, I am heartbroken....... but I am certain my grief does not compare to that of his family. Those that have had to comprehend the loss of someone who they call their son and their brother.
He is deeply and truly missed. To his friends and the ladies in Denver, he was nicknamed "the devil." When we met out with our friends, he told me, "You just cant resist the devil". I laughed at him but deep down I knew his personality was contagious and his joy for life attractive. He was intentional, thoughtful, funny and made you feel like the most important person in the world. While spending one afternoon laying at pool last August, Justin admitted that he never really saw himself settling down. I told him, "you just wait, someday some girl will come along and that will be it. She will knock you off your feet." In the most honest thoughtful voice, he looked and me and said, "I think I just did."
Thanks for my first motorcycle ride, camping in the backyard and for being someone who lived life with intention and thoughtfulness that was as though you always knew it could be your last.
Miss you a whole bunch
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I can choose to "give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thes.5:18) because I am confident He can see beyond what I can see. Furthermore, if I could see with His eyes I would make the same choice, because God is beyond good...
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Tonight I will sleep knowing that tomorrow I am going to pick my Mom up at the airport. Alison, my mom and I will then go on to visit the public orphanage in San Pedro Sula tomorrow afternoon before we drive an hour and half to my house in Pena Blanca. My mom is visiting until Sunday. I will try and update on her trip, but at the same time I want to be here with her so may recap when she leaves on Sunday.
Thoughts and prayers to you wherever you are... and whatever you are grieving because lets be honest I am certain I am not the only one.
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