Wednesday evening my parents and I left my appointment. I held my head high, diplomatically discussed my options about treatment until I gazed down at my phone and I was bombarded with posts of my best friends in Guatemala celebrating Stephanie's upcoming wedding. The tears began to fall. How is it that I sit here learning whether I will undergo chemotherapy? or how Likely it is my Cancer to return? And I am not there..... I should be there. I hate this. I thought. I don't want to be here. My head aches and my heart throbbed.
My parents and I sat at a Restaurant where I leaned in to the side of my dad at the booth, as I desperately wanted to have someone hold me, draw me close and like a father should, make everything go away.
I laid on his shoulder and cried. We sat in silence.
I made myself pick something to eat although it was last thing I wanted to do. We got to our hotel and continuing discussing everything we had learned at the doctor. I finally pleaded at my parents. "And now now... Barely able to utter the words It is killing me, that I cannot be at Stephanie's wedding Saturday" and I began to cry harder as my mom held me. In silence my parents agreed. This sucks.
That evening I slept surprisingly well, my emotions at a high, my slumber just seemed to come easy. I awoke and I had received messages from my parents. Asking if I was awake? (Sent at 5:39 am). I received a different message saying happy thanksgiving. Not thinking much of it.
I let them know I was making coffee and was going to write on my blog (yesterday's medical post).
My dad calls me and says I need to check my email, that my mom had sent me something. Again not suspecting much, my parents often share others wells wishes with me by forwarding messages.... I opened the email. To my utter shock I began to read what was a flight confirmation to Guatemala City. Leaving the next day Tomorrow.
Without being able to utter a sound I burst into tears and shouted oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! My dad in tears through the phone said. I did it last night. I couldn't help but be awake all night knowing how upset you were that you were missing the wedding so I decided to look at flights. Your mom and I have been awake all night and couldn't wait for you to wake up. We think you are well enough to travel and come back Monday.
As you can imagine I cried and shouted and am still in shock.
Right now I am sitting in the Denver airport waiting to board my flight to Houston. From there I go to Guatemala City.
Yesterday I arranged for a private driver to take me to Antiqua so I can drop my luggage at her hotel and walk in on the cocktail rehearsal. (I have all the details from my original itinerary). I can barely type this without crying thinking about seeing my best friends face. Having no idea I am on my.Yesterday my mom helped me try on my bridesmaid dress that I had already dry cleaned) and in a plastic bag. Scared it would not fit because of my surgery, we were fully prepared to go to Macy's at midnight should need. (Lucky for us today is Black Friday). I told my mom I didn't care if I wore a sheet. I just wanted to be there. But alas my dress fit perfectly.
So you can imagine my excitement. This morning my mom was my salon, stylist plucking my eyebrows and painting my nails while I made sure I had everything I needed.
Pickup writing in Houston:
I just looked at some more pictures that the girls have taken from today. I can't even look at them without a grin. Last night I told Stephanie's mom via text, so she was aware that I am coming. Just in case I am delayed or I had trouble with transportation. Her messages in response made me Cry. Happy tears of course.
I leave here in two hours. I am feeling a bit drowsy and tired so am going to rest my feet for a bit. I have carried on my bag only so that as soon as I land I can head straight for customs and meet my driver to arrive in Guatemala. I just want to scream in excitement :)
A funny tidbit, Stephanie had sent me my bridesmaid present to open tonight (while they open there gifts in Guatemala). Well I decided I would open mine yesterday so I could pack it with me. I am sending her a picture right now of me opening it. Saying thank you and that I love it. Of course she will think the picture is taken right now. Me in my basement :) hehehe if she only knew.I am on my plane leaving now.... Finally. A slight delay and I thought I would jump through the cockpit and tell them we have to go now because I am surprising my friends. Praying for a quicker flight :) and speedy customs. As well that my driver is prompt and out waiting for me.
Writing this morning:I just woke up next to Stephanie. and wished her a happy wedding day. When I landed in Guatemala City I ran through the airport (best I could). I was one of the first through customs. Once I found my driver I got in his car explained the occasion. He said he would drive faster than normal. In true nascar fashion, I arrived in 20 minutes instead of the 45 minutes. The driver unable to pull in front of the hotel said I am sorry miss you must walk. I said it's ok and darted off.
Upon walking in the hotel Stephanie's mom, the Holloways and Christie Lee's parents were standing there. We screamed and cried. Sheri said Stephanie is in her room so she would take me up there. I stayed back behind her, and waited behind this pole. Sheri said Stephanie come out I have something to show you. As she walked closely, I came around the corner and without words we both just hugged and cried. A few oh my gosh but mostly tears.
From there I walked to the room where my friends from high school are staying. They opened the door and looked at Stephanie and noticed me standing behind her. Then words of oh my gosh and I can't believe you're here. I cried and said I know .... me too.
I am going to stop there because I need to shower because I have a wedding to get ready for. Prayers for a day of feeling well (even if I watch from the dance floor) and for just being present here.....
Sometimes you just really do have to show up.
Love Kristina
x
No comments:
Post a Comment